Did The Government Help To Create A New Breed Of Troubled Kids?

Why didn’t we have school shootings and massive bullying when we were younger? It is mainly because of one word and it begins with the letter P and ends with the letter S. PARENTS! We talk about guns and mental health a lot in this country. However, I haven’t heard people talking about the lack of discipline in our country because of fear. When we allowed the government to come into our houses and take on the position as the silent parent, we opened the door for disruption.

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Some of you might find it ironic as hell that I am taking this position, but there’s a reason behind it. When I was in the academy for investigator training, one of the first things we learned was that the majority of CPS cases would be fictitious. I didn’t want to believe it because surely 85 percent of cases couldn’t really be just parents, trying to be parents. However, after I graduated the academy and cases started coming in, I soon learned the dark side of reporting.

While a handful of my cases were actual abuse, the majority of my cases were not abuse. Many of them were cases with teens or preteens who were out of control. Some of the children were so out of control that their parents could no longer afford to take care of them. In many ways, we have the government to thank for this epidemic. Parents are scared to parent because anything and everything can be used against them when it comes to reporting.

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We are talking about in some cases parents raising their voices, spanking, removing doors, and talking to children about their weight issues, these are some of the things that parents did to get CPS called on them which always resulted in Rule Outs. The calls would come from clinics, schools, family members, or people involved in custody fights.

A single mother was using a provider for her newborn and she didn’t feel like the doctor was really showing the level of concern that she needed, so she switched providers. The clinic called in a case on the new mom with a load of lies which were easily picked apart due to records. I have always and will always say CPS needs a new screening method. The current method does more harm than good. If you have a reporting system that lets retaliatory accusations flourish then you have a broken system.

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There needs to be some form of punishment for false accusations because there are too many false allegations that result in stagnated parenting. Good parents become fearful of future calls and stop reinforcing rules out of fear of future CPS interactions. This fear then spreads to family members and friends which later interrupts how the family is able to parent. Keep in mind in order to close cases investigators must contact references even if the case happens to be fictitious. Thus spreading fear of how and what parents can do to parent their children.

Enter in the wayward child that we see today. Parents cannot parent due to fear of the government and the government is not equipped to take on the full responsibility of parenting all the children they have helped corrupt. So people reach for medication or therapy when perhaps the only thing they needed in the first place was the ability to parent their children without the fear of the government.

When The Internet Became One Big Neighborhood

When we think about community, we often think about the people in our neighborhood. We think about the closeness, likeness, and struggles we face together. We see the people down the street and place the neighbor label on them which makes us look a little longer if things appear out of place in their departure. We assign ownership to the places that are deemed precious near our houses which are often placed within our neighborhoods.

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Yesterday, for some of us, our neighborhoods grew a lot larger. We mentally adopted a teenager that was assaulted by a group of girls and something magical took place. It just takes a few positive voices and things can start turning. Yesterday while we all struggled to keep #JUSTICEFORJANISE trending something became crystal clear around the 5th hour. Nobody was giving up on finding this little girl.

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We were all picking up our internet torches and wading through the pool of concern. Tweets went out to Trump supporters, Obama supporters and many more people, and they did not fall flat. All hearts reacted! Soon the concern was trending all over the United States with concern flowing into other countries. While we weren’t able to grab the attention of those in office, we were able to grab attention to someone more important.

We were able to make our case to the people and the people formed an online haven of love. I’m in Texas, but it didn’t stop me from caring. Others were from other states, but it didn’t stop them from sharing. Brave friends like @D4MURE, @sharii41886239, @lissa_ajana and @kiologyz created the perfect search for their friend. While things might not be over for the young lady in the video, I do believe she will now find that she has a nation of support behind her. It just took a handful of friends with the courage of an Army with the intent of bringing their friend home.

Now the healing will begin and let’s hope yesterday isn’t forgotten because we stood as one big family with no concern over difference, just the connection of love. Love really is the key.

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Road Map To My 22nd Anniversary

  1. Year One- Sex wasn’t the answer to all things.-Killeen, Texas.
  2. Year Two- Setting the alarm 30 minutes early was the key. Killeen, Texas.
  3. Year Three- My husband was a wonderful father. Fort Irwin, California.
  4. Year Four- Being pregnant sucks! Fort Irwin, California.
  5. Year Five- Living in a different country is easy when you are with your husband. Baumholder, Germany.
  6. Year Six- Nothing like the absence of your husband at your mother’s funeral because of war. Garland, Texas.
  7. Year Seven- Taking down welcome home signs after you learn your husband’s unit will be the first to stay beyond the allotted time in a war zone. Baumholder, Germany
  8. Year Eight- The only way to get out of the vasectomy after this pregnancy is over my dead body. Baumholder, Germany.
  9. Year Nine- Admitting that I didn’t know all I thought I knew about marriage. Savannah, GA.
  10. Year Ten- Dealing with addiction and remorse. Savannah, GA.
  11. Year Eleven- Talking to divorce lawyers because some situations are just too hard to deal with. Garland, Texas
  12. Year Twelve- Having to look my husband in the face and deal with our demons without being able to walk away. Clarksville, Tennessee
  13. Year Thirteen- Starting over. El Paso, Texas
  14. Year Fourteen- Being there through a tough surgery. El Paso, Texas.
  15. Year fifteen- Finally figuring out the Army was more of a hindrance to our family. El Paso, Texas
  16. Year Sixteen- Living with family members suck more than you know. Garland, Texas
  17. Year Seventeen- Nothing like being back on your own. Garland, Texas
  18. Year Eighteen- Transitioning from parents of young kids to parents of children old enough to date. Garland, Texas
  19. Year Nineteen- Being thankful that my husband was able to be there with me through my father’s death. Garland, Texas
  20. Year twenty- Finding my own calling is the key to my happiness. Garland, Texas
  21. Year twenty-One- Making sure we never forget those special nights. Garland, Texas
  22. Year Twenty-Two- Understand that life doesn’t last forever, so enjoy each other while you can. Somewhere in Texas!
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Our Children And Our Reaction To Bullying

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My daughter was a potential threat to herself and others until we took action. Sometimes parents have to do the unthinkable so they can prevent the unforgivable. At some random school this morning, a child is hiding in the bathroom because he or she is too afraid to walk the halls due to bullying. I know it to be true because it was my daughter’s life for over a year before she was finally attacked. I’m going to try to tread very carefully while I write this, but I’m also going to be very honest. So, I warn you now, this might piss you off, but it has to be said.

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School shootings do not happen by accident. Guns do not walk into the class and fire without a person pulling the trigger. Show me a school that has death due to school shootings/suicide, I’m willing to bet that school has also dealt with a problem in regards to bullying. Bullying has lasting effects, it not only hurts the students that the harmful words are aimed at, but it also hurts people caught in the environment of the issue. I can tell you this because I know it to be true. It has taken my own daughter years to overcome the words and pain associated with bullying.

My daughter’s attack happened on a playground with nearly a dozen children surrounding her. She was rolled up in a ball and kicked over and over. The children then tried to impale her head on a steel pike. At the time of her attack four teachers were on the playground. A boy stepped in and saved her. He took her to the office and I was called. That week after we got her home she tried to commit suicide twice. After weeks or so she started acting out violently. She pushed my oldest daughter in the street and then tried to push her down stairs.

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I remember grabbing her and putting her in the car asking what was she thinking. She told me she knew it was wrong, but that she just wanted power. She said she felt so powerless and it made her feel powerful to be able to do finally stand up for herself. Needless to say, this scared the crap out of me. We talked about her feelings and the outcome of harming others because of the pain she felt for at least 6 to 8 months after the incident. We even had to commit her for a little until we could get her to calm down.

Today, I’m glad to report that she no longer has those same anger issues, but it wasn’t easy dealing with those issues that came after the attack. After one of the school shootings we were talking and she added that she felt torn in some of the cases. She said she felt horrible about the people who died, but that she also felt bad for the person who was bullied. As a parent that watched my daughter go through so many different emotions in regards to her incident, I think it gives me a unique outlook.

My daughter didn’t shoot up a school, yet she did try to hurt her sister. Luckily, I worked in mental health, I knew the warning signs, I knew the right people, and I was able to focus entirely on her healing.

However, I do not know what I would have done, if I didn’t know some of the things that I knew at that time. Ariana was dealing with a range of emotions that we knew nothing of and most importantly we couldn’t relate to her on those levels. So, it was a lot of redirecting negative behavior and replacing negative feelings with her love for cooking. I think we went broke that year! We have to do something about bullying because it produces rage. I wasn’t going to let that rage take over my child. My daughter is now almost 18 and I can tell you that we haven’t had an episode in about three years. She has been able to make a few friends, and she’s now being a normal kid.

She told me recently that she still can’t help but think about that day from time to time, but that she’s not mad about it anymore. I know we want to make these issues about gun control, but it’s about so much more. The true weapon is bullying and it can cause mass causalities or a single fatality. We are seeing too many children commit suicide and harm each other over the feelings associated with bullying. It’s time to have real conversations about the need to revamp how schools keep records in regards to bullying.

Ariana today.

We need to hold the schools more accountable and in some cases the parents as well. After Ariana was attacked, I didn’t hear from not one of the children’s parents which is even sadder. We can do so much better.

Another Episode of Momville

Yesterday my daughter came in with another script from her theater class. She has loved theater for a long time and I really think it has helped her work through some of her issues. However, she still gets the occasional blues in regards to being social. She talks about not fitting in and hating the fact that nobody wants to do anything with her. In her mind she’s ugly and stupid because of her ADHD. We can tell her a million times that that isn’t the case and that she’s wonderful, but she just doesn’t see it.

Anyway, back to Tuesday. As her teacher was handing out scripts, she also assigned parts for the kids to read and Ariana’s partner decided he would publicly voice his discomfort in being paired with my daughter. So, after she came home and put her bag on the table, she walked into the computer room. I asked about her school day and that’s when she told me about the little creep who pretty much stated he wouldn’t work with her.

I don’t know if I handled the situation right, but I told her not to worry and informed her that I would help her learn both lines. I know nothing about theater. I stayed away from it, but I read lines with her last night. I played the part of the guy and she mostly corrected me, because I sucked! However, she sounded great and we are going to do it again tonight. I guess my question is, should I be making her learn both lines? I mean, I just don’t want her to get a bad grade if he doesn’t want to learn his part. What do you do in this situation? Can she even benefit from learning both lines?