Why I said No to having a baby at 43

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You often hear about women deciding to have babies in their forties. I’ve never really held a position on it because I respect the fact that it isn’t my body. Some months ago, my husband and I started talking about the idea of adding another addition to our family. It sounded good in theory until he proceeded to make appointments.

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About two months ago, my husband came home with this goofy look on his face and was smiling ear to ear. I asked him what was so exciting, and he blurted out that he had just finished talking to his doctor about getting his vasectomy reversed. I’m pretty sure the color drained out of my face because, at that point, extreme nausea started to set in.

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We had talked about the subject in the past, but I thought all we were doing was talking. It’s like saying, if I had a million dollars, I would buy a house in Ireland. I do not have a million dollars, so the move would never move out of the fantasy stage. After a few minutes of watching him beam from ear to ear, I politely smiled and tried to sound excited. As the days went by, I started to get increasingly uncomfortable. I started looking at our 14 yr old, 18 yr old, and 22-year-old daughters. I then started thinking about how each pregnancy affected my health.

On the morning of his appointment, I remember feeling a near panic as he got in the car and drove off for his doctor’s appointment. I opted to stay behind because I didn’t want to see the doctor see the discomfort on my face.

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About a good solid hour later, my husband arrived back home. He was upset because the clinic didn’t want to let the VA pay for his reversal. The clinic intended to bill him on his job’s insurance, while the VA would have made the procedure free. I felt a little relieved until after he got off the phone with the VA a few moments later. The VA clinic promised they would take care of the confusion with Scott and White.

A few days later, the appointment was back on. The night before the second appointment, I made up my mind; it was time to come clean about my feelings regarding having another baby. I explained that we had three great children, and I didn’t like being pregnant. I hated the idea of having another baby at 43, and I went a little deeper into detail and expressed the main reason I didn’t want to give up my current position as Sexual Goddess # 1 to being a new mom all over again.

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Part of me felt a bit guilty because sex was a big reason I didn’t want to have baby number 4. Currently, we can have sex whenever we want, multiple times a month or even a week if we feel like it, but a new baby puts restraints on that. I know my body, I know my needs, and at this age, I am not looking to start over again with the birthing process.

I thought he was going to be hurt by my confession, but after I explained it, he saw my point. He called off the appointment, and I can now look at pregnant people once again without feeling an urge to run for the nearest exit.

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Don’t Be Afraid To Ask About Sexual Issues.

We all have our shy moments. In the beginning of my marriage I couldn’t bring myself to say penis around my husband because it made be blush like crazy. So, I would say “woo woo” or something else just because I was so uncomfortable with saying the word!! After the birth of my second child things started to change. I went from having to take Motrin after sex pre second child to not really knowing how to feel about the sexual encounter post second child.

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I would ask my husband if he was satisfied and of course he would say yes. Then he would ask me and I would lie and give the same response. After a few weeks I started to get concerned. I went for a check up one afternoon and confessed my issues to my doctor. I was like I have a problem. She turned around and asked me what was going on. I informed her that I could no longer feel my husband. It was an awkward thing to say, but I wasn’t ready to give up my sex life at 24 or 25 years old.

She performed some test with her fingers and I found out why I couldn’t enjoy sex. My muscles were shot after giving birth to my daughter. I had an episiotomy with my second child which from my understanding wasn’t all that great for my muscles. Nobody informed me how important the kegels would be after the episiotomy, so the appointment was a must. She then informed me that I needed to do like 200 kegels a day to get my muscles back to semi normal. So, me being the overachiever I am, I decided to do like 500 a day until things got back to normal.

The point is, do not be afraid to ask your doctor about things that you might be too embarrassed to bring up in the bedroom. Sex is a beautiful thing, but it’s not so beautiful if only one person enjoys it. A few years ago a woman saw a passion mark on my neck and was like do you and your husband still have sex!! I started laughing and blurted out about four times a week like normal people! Then she looked concerned, she told me she was newly married and that she and her husband only had sex once every three months. One controlling factor in her bedroom was pain. That is something a doctor would be able to help her with. So, do not be afraid to talk to your OBGYN and tell them about pain, lack of feeling or anything that you think sounds strange for your body. Enjoy life!!

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