Our Children And Our Reaction To Bullying

Our Children And Our Reaction To Bullying

My daughter could have been on the road to becoming a killer until we fought back. At some random school this morning, a child is hiding in the bathroom because he or she is too afraid to walk the halls due to bullying. I know it to be true because it was my daughter’s life for over a year before she was finally attacked. I’m going to try to tread very carefully while I write this, but I’m also going to be very honest. So, I warn you now, this might piss you off, but it has to be said.

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School shootings do not happen by accident. Guns do not walk into the class and fire without a person pulling the trigger. Show me a school that has death due to school shootings/suicide, I’m willing to bet that school has also dealt with a problem in regards to bullying. Bullying has lasting effects, it not only hurts the students that the harmful words are aimed at, but it also hurts people caught in the environment of the issue. I can tell you this because I know it to be true. It has taken my own daughter years to overcome the words and pain associated with bullying.

My daughter’s attack happened on a playground with nearly a dozen children surrounding her. She was rolled up in a ball and kicked over and over. The children then tried to impale her head on a steel pike. At the time of her attack four teachers were on the playground. A boy stepped in and saved her. He took her to the office and I was called. That week after we got her home she tried to commit suicide twice. After weeks or so she started acting out violently. She pushed my oldest daughter in the street and then tried to push her down stairs.

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I remember grabbing her and putting her in the car asking what was she thinking. She told me she knew it was wrong, but that she just wanted power. She said she felt so powerless and it made her feel powerful to be able to do finally stand up for herself. Needless to say, this scared the crap out of me. We talked about her feelings and the outcome of harming others because of the pain she felt for at least 6 to 8 months after the incident. We even had to commit her for a little until we could get her to calm down.

Today, I’m glad to report that she no longer has those same anger issues, but it wasn’t easy dealing with those issues that came after the attack. After one of the school shootings we were talking and she added that she felt torn in some of the cases. She said she felt horrible about the people who died, but that she also felt bad for the person who was bullied. As a parent that watched my daughter go through so many different emotions in regards to her incident, I think it gives me a unique outlook.

My daughter didn’t shoot up a school, yet she did try to hurt her sister. Luckily, I worked in mental health, I knew the warning signs, I knew the right people, and I was able to focus entirely on her healing.

However, I do not know what I would have done, if I didn’t know some of the things that I knew at that time. Ariana was dealing with a range of emotions that we knew nothing of and most importantly we couldn’t relate to her on those levels. So, it was a lot of redirecting negative behavior and replacing negative feelings with her love for cooking. I think we went broke that year! We have to do something about bullying because it produces rage. I wasn’t going to let that rage take over my child. My daughter is now almost 18 and I can tell you that we haven’t had an episode in about three years. She has been able to make a few friends, and she’s now being a normal kid.

She told me recently that she still can’t help but think about that day from time to time, but that she’s not mad about it anymore. I know we want to make these issues about gun control, but it’s about so much more. The true weapon is bullying and it can cause mass causalities or a single fatality. We are seeing too many children commit suicide and harm each other over the feelings associated with bullying. It’s time to have real conversations about the need to revamp how schools keep records in regards to bullying.

Ariana today.

We need to hold the schools more accountable and in some cases the parents as well. After Ariana was attacked, I didn’t hear from not one of the children’s parents which is even sadder. We can do so much better.

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Another Episode of Momville

Another Episode of Momville

Yesterday my daughter came in with another script from her theater class. She has loved theater for a long time and I really think it has helped her work through some of her issues. However, she still gets the occasional blues in regards to being social. She talks about not fitting in and hating the fact that nobody wants to do anything with her. In her mind she’s ugly and stupid because of her ADHD. We can tell her a million times that that isn’t the case and that she’s wonderful, but she just doesn’t see it.

Anyway, back to Tuesday. As her teacher was handing out scripts, she also assigned parts for the kids to read and Ariana’s partner decided he would publicly voice his discomfort in being paired with my daughter. So, after she came home and put her bag on the table, she walked into the computer room. I asked about her school day and that’s when she told me about the little creep who pretty much stated he wouldn’t work with her.

I don’t know if I handled the situation right, but I told her not to worry and informed her that I would help her learn both lines. I know nothing about theater. I stayed away from it, but I read lines with her last night. I played the part of the guy and she mostly corrected me, because I sucked! However, she sounded great and we are going to do it again tonight. I guess my question is, should I be making her learn both lines? I mean, I just don’t want her to get a bad grade if he doesn’t want to learn his part. What do you do in this situation? Can she even benefit from learning both lines?

A Conversation About Being Happy With My 13 Yr Old

A Conversation About Being Happy With My 13 Yr Old

I’ve come to the conclusion that our children feel like that must be happy 100 percent of the time. Recently, my daughter told me she felt unhappy and that she couldn’t put her finger on the reason. I explained that it’s normal to be unhappy at times and that it would be quite abnormal to be happy all the time. She looked at me as if I had said something Greek.

I went on to explain that we all feel unhappy at times, but it’s what we do with those feelings that predict the outcome of that day. I told her about the family I had to question with their dying child in the room. Happiness will be hard to find for a long time due to the loss of their child. She looked and said yeah you’re right. She revealed that she was unhappy because she felt like none of the guys she liked ever liked her back.

After watching the sorrow in her eyes, I insisted that she take out a list and write everyone’s name down for future reference. She looked at me and smiled. I then informed her it was the Brown curse to be a little different in middle school but to turn into a beautiful butterfly in high school, revealing that it happened to me and both of her sisters. In that moment my daughter was happy not for some nice object that I presented her with, but that I took the time to help her find a solution to her problem.

Listen to your children!

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Reinventing Life, Sucks Monkey Toes

Reinventing Life, Sucks Monkey Toes

I’ve been MIA for a little while because I’m feeling a bit defeated. I found myself looking around for anything that resembled fishing twine today. I came across some old decorations and tried to see if I could shimmy off the tinsel and use them. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t a little scared. I’m scared of what comes next. I’ve been thinking a lot about my land lately. I’m here renting this house when renting seems to be very expensive and stupid. My husband is being the positive one as always, and I’m being the Debbie Downer.

I know quitting my job was the right thing to do because of all the hurtful things that were coming from it, but that doesn’t take away the problems that come with removing the income. Yet, I think in some odd way, I’m better because of all of the emotional stuff that I encountered. A few weeks ago the counselor finally called and asked about my daughter’s self inflicted injuries. It’s still hard for me to believe that those kinds of things were going on right under my nose and I didn’t even know about it. I feel so guilty because while I was out trying to save other children, my daughter was hurting herself because she didn’t have the affection and attention she needed.

Sadly, it took the death of a child to make me see what I was missing out on. My daughter has her first event tonight, and I don’t even know if I will be able to go. I just wish God would tell me what direction should we move in. If my husband were to quit and call in his retirement we could move back to my land and build a small house and get jobs back home. I think my land is the key. Not too many people are lucky enough to own land, so not living on it seems to be disrespectful to my father and grandfather. Plus, I could plant veggies for the children. We used to grow potatoes, corn, peas, greens, and watermelons each year until he passed away.

If I am being honest, I have stayed away because I didn’t know how to see those fields without him. Another man came in and tried to buy up all the land for his cattle, but our 9 to 12 acres will never be used for anyone other than us. My grandparents purchased that land by picking potatoes and other things. I think it’s time to go home. When do you know? I’m not giving up on my boat! I could catch a lot more this baby! Have a good weekend.

back view child countryside daylight
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