Welcome to my blog once again and today we’re going to talk about my girl: Meghan markle AKA Duchess of our Hearts!
As many of you have probably found out by now Meghan Markle and her husband Prince Harry have decided take a few inches back from the royal lifestyle. If you have followed the monarchy like I have, then you know Queen Elizabeth II has a lineage of relationships built on love.
From Queen Victoria I to Queen Elizabeth II love has been a common theme in this family. If you are wondering how or why Queen Elizabeth II gave approval for Meghan markle and Prince Harry to live outside of the throne look no further then her father’s brother who was once King of England.
It should come as no surprise that Prince Harry is committed to that same kind of unyielding love when it comes to his wife and child. I think people forget the Prince Harry it’s not directly in line for the throne. Since Prince William has two small sons it really takes a lot of the pressure off of Harry and lets him focus more on his lifestyle.
There are people who are very upset about the couple’s wish to move outside of tradition. I support the Queens opinion on the situation because everybody have a light. Perhaps Prince Harry and Meghan’s light will be better shown outside of the UK.
In my opinion, both Meghan and Harry are doing what’s necessary to raise her son in a therapeutic environment. I often wonder about our president’s children and how they fair. We watch the children of our presidents mature whole terms, sometimes up to 8 years.
In case of royal families their children never seem to get out of the spotlight, imagine how damning that can be if the spotlight seems to be frequently jaded? For a lot of people, I think the UK seems like it was a Utopia for minorities, if you are not from the UK. According to the history books slavery ended in the European countries before it ever ended in the United States. We even had black people who went to live abroad to get away from hate crimes here at home.
I think the treatment that Meghan Markle has received has been somewhat shocking for Americans due to our perceptions on the UK. The media from the onslaught of Megan’s pregnancy down to probably the last 24 hours has been nothing but critical of Meghan Markle and Harry. I know people don’t want to use the term bullying because bullying is such a ugly word, but the media has been vicious. I’ve not seen the type of treatment The Duchess and the Duke of Sussex encountered passed on any other member of the Royal family.
Ironically, this was the family who could survive such a feat due to their strong history of listening to their hearts. In a way, we are just watching history repeat itself! Love gives us the courage to move when others would have been immobilized in sorrow.
Yesterday, I was surfing the web and I came across this article on Yahoo. It was early in the morning and my glasses were nowhere to be found. So, I use the auto setting on my phone for a quick response!
Little did I know how many people would be stirred by the response. This morning the response gathered nearly 300 replies and then a sudden sadness took over.
I think we have inadvertently told a group of people that their pain and troubles lack substance because of their so called magical barrier called privilege.
We use the worlds white privilege like they are nothing. However, I would like to wager that white people hate that phrase about as much as we hate race card.
The truth is all people hurt and all people have specific obstacles they must overcome. The danger comes when we minimize the pain of one group by maximizing the difficulties of others.
Where does that group gain its strength and healing if we all fail to listen? One poster made a statement declaring that any minority would love to be white. I had to disagree because being white comes with stress of being born with a stain that never really seems to disappear. Every generation is blamed for the sins of people who lived many many years ago. Where is the privilege in that? There’s no privilege in not being able to talk about your struggles and have the term privilege thrown in your face.
Perhaps if we can stop focusing on who does this and who does that, we might be able to get a better idea of what matters. Unity has to include all people from all walks of life. If we look to end poverty we should look at ending all poverty. When looking at pain, we should look at healing all pain. When we minimize the struggle we push people away, and at the end of the day, we need each day other.
We know what racism is and isn’t. I challenge people to think outside of the box and ask yourself what can we do to change the heart of the matter.
Interracial marriages still face problems that many people do not truly understand. I think many people are under the impression that interracial marriages are fully accepted now because we see more couples in interracial relationships. However, what many people do not see is the struggles that still exist surrounding the couples on a day to day basis. Just take the gallery that I use for my blog pictures for example. There were plenty of pictures showcasing loving relationships, but hardly any of them were of interracial relationships.
When Meghan Markle married Prince Harry over a year ago many like myself were over the moon! It was a win for love and one more nail in the coffin for racism, so we thought. You see more couples that choose to marry outside of their race today, but what you do not see is the racism that comes with that choice. I recall the first time I witnessed issues stemming from my marriage some years ago. We went to a retreat near Big Bear which showcased how couples were supposed to communicate with each other. After our lessons were over, the couples would all head towards the cafeteria and mingle. My husband and I weren’t approached by anyone and to make matters worse later that night we had to share the room with a couple that seemed to be fixated on what being black meant. Later on we would get looks from others. We would also have incidents were certain people would try to pick at the spouse that wasn’t the “correct” race.
What we are seeing today with The Duchess of Sussex and The Duke of Sussex is the real face of acceptance. Nobody wants to admit to being a bigot, but with the curtains now pulled back, we are seeing that bigotry is alive and well. Don’t get me wrong, we have made advances in gaining the right to marry who we want to marry. However, attitudes are still somewhat jaded by many when it comes to interracial marriages. Do you recall the commercial that sparked a debate on interracial marriage just 6 years ago.
Pick any high profile couple that happens to be married to someone outside of their race and ugly comments are not far away. After Matthew McConaughey married Camila Alves there were comments about how he could have done so much better. Never mind she is drop dead gorgeous, but some still felt that she was not fit to be his wife because she wasn’t white. Comments were made after Serena Williams married Alexis Ohanian and so on. Anytime you see a interracial marriage, get ready to see ugly comments. People have been called race traders, nigger lovers, mud sharks, Oreo cookies, and other hurtful names.
The best part of it all, at least in my opinion, is that interracial couples are increasing at a higher rate. My soon to be son-in-law is white and my other daughter’s boyfriend in Chinese. The hate hasn’t scared people away from being people. It shows that even though racism still occurs, it isn’t turning people away from wanting to be with the ones they love. As for my relationship, the looks and the ignorance made us stronger as a couple. The harder people looked us, the tighter we held onto each other. It was us against the world and it has been that way for almost 23 years now. So, let’s hope The Duke and Duchess learn how to embrace to power of love and true unity because their love is a love that will be tested. However, pressure creates diamonds, so let the hate keep coming, their love will just keep shining.
I remember growing up in school standing in the lunch line
behind two very popular girls. As I patiently waited for my spot to reach the
lunch lady, I heard one of the girls ask the other girl a question. She asked
the other child who looked like me, why didn’t she like me. Of course, I
immediately positioned my body so I could hear the bulk of the conversation.
This was a question I wanted to know because it was odd always being the person
being left out of conversations, celebrations and even down right hated at
times. At least this is how I felt because to a young child all those things
help to make up our social collage.
So, back to the memory! She leans in and tells the other
girl that I wasn’t like them. I didn’t talk like them, act like them, or even
look like them. Now this was a little confusing because I was most certainly
black. My parents were black, my sisters were black, so how was I so different?
Well, I guess if we entertain the not talking like them, perhaps there was a
little validity in that comment. My parents wouldn’t allow me to listen to rap
music and at the time I was growing up, rap music was popular. A lot of the
slang that children used back in those days, I couldn’t use. Once again, the
rule was to leave the extra at the door. I most certainly grew up black, but my
parents raised me differently than most of the children, due to their age. My
parents came from another generation which really focused on how people were
perceived by the public.
All sorts of hell lived in my house, but the public never
knew. As the students were saying I wasn’t black enough, my parents were
teaching another lesson all together. They
were teaching me about black limitations. So, when I came home crying over my
favorite teacher who had just died in a car wreck the night before my world grew
even more confined. I was told that I shouldn’t be crying for the white woman
because she didn’t really care about me, add that on top of the you can’t be
this or that because you are black ,and you have the perfect confusion sundae.
I had enough around the age of 18, so I left the confusing
small town behind with all the confused people in it. Sadly, I see those same confusing
outlooks being washed over the black race today. People are telling us that we
can’t be Republicans because we are black, or that we can’t be racist since we
have no control. I’ll calling out both ideas today because both are wrong. My parents
preventing me from grieving over a white teacher was racist. I do not care what
anyone tells me or you about racism because it isn’t a one race problem.
Racism is like a cloud that spreads over the world that brings
down an invisible layer of confusion. It hinders the way we treat each other
and perceive each other. It makes enemies out of people who know nothing about
each other due to the stigma attached to the unknown group. Ignorance is the
perfect environment for racism to grow. It’s like a perfectly lit breeding ground
for misinformation and chaos. When we start seeing ourselves as people without
limits race seems to disappear into the background. Does that mean all racist moments stop happening?
Of course not, but it means we learn how to move through life without constantly
tripping over the vines of racism. The vines in many ways are the obstacles
that we place down. Perhaps, we tell ourselves that we will never be able to
get the job because they are looking for someone who looks like her, he’ll
never ask me out because I am not his race, or people who look like me do not live
in houses like that.
Anyway, you cut it, hiding behind race creates invisible borders.
Life isn’t about being boxed into any group, it’s about being able to weather
storms. If you are looking for what divides us, look at those people preaching division.
They are the dividers of the world, but that doesn’t mean we have to let them
make us act out that way. As always think with your heart, it isn’t white,
brown or black it’s just human. Don’t let certain ideologies pave your way just
because it is a norm. Fight for understanding and the right to choose.
This has been a crazy week, but as it ends, I want you to do something for yourself. I want you to start measuring the messages that you hear from the people who are trying to gain your votes. Think about their cities, states, districts, and how their citizens are fairing under their guidance. Look at the type of laws they are working on while they are serving in Congress. Are they running for office and leaders in high crime areas? We would want to see bills that would help reduce crime and poverty in those areas. You would also want to see them introducing bills that help with healthcare, education and criminal justice reform depending on your location.
Are they good at reaching out to people and lending a helping hand to help bridge relationships? Also Google their history to see if they have ever tried to get laws passed that actually helped people in their areas. Take California for example, it has the highest number of homelessness in our nation. If a candidate represents that area, I would expect to see bills introduced with the intent to get the people off the streets. If not, I would conclude that they didn’t care, and would give my vote to someone else.
This week one Congresswoman will try to do away with measures that will help to keep people safe. As a former investigator, I can tell you some areas need all the safety they can get. Depending on the location, cops might not come to the rescue. Some apartment complexes were seeing all of their children placed into CPS custody because of the activity in those complexes. These families were surrounded by drugs, drug dealers, and prostitution. Those areas would really benefit from extra security measures such as facial recognition upon entry. It would cut down on rape, drugs, and sexual abuse because often times I do not think the apartments run good criminal background checks, if they run them at all.
We want to make sure people are passing good laws that will help our neighborhoods and the children that play or should be playing inside of them. So, clear your mind and think about what’s best for YOUR family. At the end of the day, we vote in the people who either help to bring harmony to our cities or the ones that help to destroy them. Listen and research because your future is too important to risk.
I wish I could tell you that cases like the Central Park 5 no longer exist. I wish I could tell you that all investigations are done with fairness, but I won’t insult your intelligence today. The movie When They See Us is a painful reminder that not everyone with a badge or a title can be trusted to work for the betterment of their community.
I’m sure if you have been following my blog, you know my story. I turned in my badge over a year ago after I saw railroading techniques being used to trap minorities. It takes a strong person to go against their livelihood. In my situation, I transferred from another region because I wanted to move my family to a smaller town. I thought a smaller town would offer better people and a better foundation for my girls.
After I got here, I immediately started seeing issues. I came from a big city and investigations there weren’t easy. I was nearly raped, threatened by a weapon, and was even surrounded by racist at one point. Yet, I loved my job and I could see the good in helping out my community. I had a supervisor who clearly looked out for her community, she cared about trying to help children, and she cared about helping their families learn to rehabilitate in difficult situations.
I came here with background in removing children from parents using cocaine and meth. I also had the removals that resulted in removals from people who no longer wanted to be parents. After I got here, my very first case was a case involving an African American mother from another state. She had relatives here and a mother hours away. Not only did she have a mother hours away, the children had a father who was trying to see how he could get in route to pick up his children.
While I was trying to work with the family on finding a solution my supervisor was trying to push a removal on the mother due to her getting arrested. Keep in mind, there was an aunt living in the household and people who could have been here within hours. The policemen looked at me and asked me if I was really going to let that happen, and I reaffirmed them that I would do everything in my power to stop it.
After going back and forward with my boss I was able to get her to work with the family until we were able to get the father or grandmother headed in our direction. The thing about removals is that they often do not get overturned. They last for at least a year and children are forced to stay in foster care. So, if there is a family member, we were taught to do everything within our power to unite that child with their family, but in this unit they didn’t do that. Even after this case was ready for closure, and the female had her children back in another state my supervisor was trying to get the state to take action against the mom. The state politely let us know that the mother was doing good and to bud out at this point.
I have always been very careful about removals due to the stress that it places on the children. I removed only when I needed to and questioned anything that looked fishy even when it wasn’t my removal. A few cases later I came across a female who had just gotten out of the hospital. She tested positive for marijuana. Marijuana is not something that we remove for in the state of Texas. People get a quitting marijuana packet due to it not being crack or meth.
When I gave her an oral swab her medications that she had been given at surgery showed up. Keep in mind she had just been released from the hospital and her urine didn’t have any traces of those drugs nor the baby’s prior to or while giving birth. I still went on and confirmed with the nurses as to the type of medication that this lady was given. My supervisor wanted me to remove once again due to her results coming back positive even though she knew she had just had a c-section.
She swore up and down that a positive meant she had used something. I told her to google the medication and see what positives would show up and she did, but she still didn’t want to believe me or the medical professionals. I informed her that I wouldn’t be doing a removal because this mother wasn’t doing anything that warranted a removal. I even gave her another drug test which came back negative two days later.
I have always had issues with investigators who removed and placed kids into foster care without trying to locate family members. She and others stated that it took too long. The process could take hours, but it was still worth it if you could keep the family together and maintain safety. She talked about how she would talk only to PDs who would lean towards removals because she didn’t want to do family placements. Again this is killing the families, but she didn’t care. Once she joked about being the Removal Queen. All I could hear was I’m messed up so many families due to not wanting to put in extra time on family placements.
We already knew that in most cases that minorities were targeted by false calls. Did you know that only 15 percent of CPS cases are real abuse? That means that 85 percent are lies and anyone can call in on people. While we have had some cases that were real, we have had so many more that were nothing more than vendettas.
Here’s the cold hard truth about cases in the black community and Spanish communities. When people look to remove often times these families will not be able to get their children back. If they have any sort of record dealing from old cases, criminal cases or people in the house with any central registry case they will be voided out as a potential caregiver. There are so many minorities with charges on them due to possession of marijuana, criminal trespass or failure to identify. Then if that doesn’t get them there’s a case on them for being victims of domestic violence.
They changed the regulation on domestic violence about 1 yr or 2 yrs ago. Prior to that if you were involved in a domestic violence relationship and were a victim they could put a reason to believe on you. So, the victim would get victimized twice. In some states they still do this, they still charge the victim with a reason to believe which knocks them out for any job dealing with children, or elderly. It also prevents them from taking family members if children are ever removed in the future.
I finally quit my job because of a case that should have been a removal, but my boss didn’t want to believe the children who were the victims in the case. I worked the case with at least three other law officials from two other states. The parent was a runner and drug abuser. She was grooming her children to be sexually abused while their father was looking for them. The father spent time in prison for manslaughter only because the state didn’t have a law on the books for self defense. I found out everything about the dad. He was a good hardworking citizen, paid his dues, took parenting classes, and even earned certificates. He had held down a job, his only true crime was being black and trying to stop a white man from killing him.
I found out that he had been looking for his children for years while the mother was letting them get beaten and molested. So, I let him take his children and my boss knew this, but you better believe she lied to the program manager about it. The program manager who was just as crazy as she was wanted us to get the kids back. Here’s the issue, because they didn’t want to remove those kids, they would have went back to the mom and the abuser. So, there was no way in hell I was going to do that. I called the dad told him to get a lawyer. Needless to say, anything else would have been just as crazy as the prior cases, so I quit soon after that case.
This father wasn’t going to be able to protect his children because of a conviction he got due to him trying to defend himself. He was already victimized by the system once and then we were going to let his children become victims of the system again. If you are poor, black or mentally ill the system will not work for you as it would for someone with a different stack of cards. Your only hope is to get a person who cares. When They See Us might be about the Central Park 5, but the issue is that, the stain of racism has soaked so deep into the fabric of what and who we are. It is in outcomes of child abuse cases, criminal cases and even family courts in some arenas. We have to understand that the fight isn’t over. There’s still work to be done.
Over the past week, I have seen a pattern in the media. We are accepting of any person willing to part ways with their isms, but we are forever targeting people who engaged in racism. This prevents people from changing due to the nasty stigma and sting of the rebuke. In order for this country to heal, we have to develop a new way of seeing racism.
Racism is often taught. Just like it can be taught, it can also be unlearned. However, the problem comes when we crucify those who engaged in the past behavior, yet managed to turn their behavior around. Improvement should be a welcomed change, so why are we not rejoicing? I do not see us treating alcoholics the same. We work very hard to make sure they do well in recovery and try to help them focus on the positive. At least that is what we did with my father. We never beat him up about his addiction or made him feel like less of a person.
We need to embrace a caring tone and a tone of tolerance when we deal with people suffering from racism. We all come from many different walks of life and those voyages give birth to different struggles. Take my airplane trip with the six middle eastern men scooting next to me as an example. I was so quick to think they would bring the plane down. I went into protect mode and engaged in my manic friend making journey that I will never live down. Even though it was a few months after 9/11, I should have known better. Judging people by their nationality wasn’t okay. I let my fear get the best of me and ended up talking those poor men to a near death for 8 hours!
Take Liam Neeson and the blackface controversies from this week, it shows that we are all a work in progress. If you say you’ve never felt some ping of that, chances are, you are a saint. We should be encouraging each other to be kind and open-minded.
In the end, can we ever get to a place of forgiveness? Will we always harbor disregard for each other? Understand that everyone has skeletons, but what makes your skeletons more acceptable than others? Before you judge make sure, you are not standing in a large ant pile of drama waiting to rise to the top. I see no winners here because we are all people.