parenting

How Are You Rating Your Quality Time

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Families are made up of so many different things. With each family comes a set of unique illustrations that paint that family’s life from within. Trauma seems to add new details and sections to the dynamics which can ultimately alter how families are able to coexist among each other. It is at the end of the school year, and we have come to the conclusion that we are still dealing with the tremors of trauma from five years ago.

If the event would have been an earthquake, you would have expected to see small tremors that popped up some years ago. However, it seems as though the tremors are harmonic in nature and ever reaching. We were finally able to have a real heart to heart with our 13 year old. Yes, I said the 13 year old. She was 8 when her sister was attacked and my oldest was 16. In many ways we focused so much and so hard on the recovery process for one child that we nearly lost the other two.

My eldest has been living in Florida for nearly six months now. It makes me sad to write this because I don’t know how much I missed when it comes to being there for the 13 year old. For the past five years while I was trying to save one daughter, I was slowly letting the other two drift away. After having a real heart to heart, my baby finally opened up and told me how she felt.

She informed me that there were nights that she would just lay in her room crying because she felt like we didn’t see her. No parent ever wants to hear that, you do not want to hear that you were a shit parent. I think I did what my parents did in many ways. I tried to bring in things to make up for not being there. We had the season tickets to Six Flags, great hiking adventures, and even trips to craters. We were really trying to meet that quality time quota that so many of us play towards.

Now, we are looking at quality time in a much different way. It’s about those trips to markets that result in instant bright face appreciation as well as those moments of tenderness because some boy has broken her heart. It’s about telling her how much we love her each and every night and telling her no matter the outcome, she will overcome. In my mind, I still see her as

this little one. This picture was taken on some random day at the park. We decided to ditch the normal routine after school and have a play date. Don’t make the mistake that we made and think that quality time has to be something like below.

Hiking in the mountains.

Going to ballet.

Mining in dormant volcanoes.

It can be anything as simple as just watching your kids walk ahead of you at the park. If you are anything like my family, you are still trying to work out the kinks. We are moving in a better direction, but that direction now comes with open eyes. It’s not always easy after you take off the rose colored glasses, but it’s something that you can’t ignore. Don’t miss those moments.

Don’t Be Afraid To Ask About Sexual Issues.

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We all have our shy moments. In the beginning of my marriage I couldn’t bring myself to say penis around my husband because it made be blush like crazy. So, I would say “woo woo” or something else just because I was so uncomfortable with saying the word!! After the birth of my second child things started to change. I went from having to take Motrin after sex pre second child to not really knowing how to feel about the sexual encounter post second child.

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I would ask my husband if he was satisfied and of course he would say yes. Then he would ask me and I would lie and give the same response. After a few weeks I started to get concerned. I went for a check up one afternoon and confessed my issues to my doctor. I was like I have a problem. She turned around and asked me what was going on. I informed her that I could no longer feel my husband. It was an awkward thing to say, but I wasn’t ready to give up my sex life at 24 or 25 years old.

She performed some test with her fingers and I found out why I couldn’t enjoy sex. My muscles were shot after giving birth to my daughter. I had an episiotomy with my second child which from my understanding wasn’t all that great for my muscles. Nobody informed me how important the kegels would be after the episiotomy, so the appointment was a must. She then informed me that I needed to do like 200 kegels a day to get my muscles back to semi normal. So, me being the overachiever I am, I decided to do like 500 a day until things got back to normal.

The point is, do not be afraid to ask your doctor about things that you might be too embarrassed to bring up in the bedroom. Sex is a beautiful thing, but it’s not so beautiful if only one person enjoys it. A few years ago a woman saw a passion mark on my neck and was like do you and your husband still have sex!! I started laughing and blurted out about four times a week like normal people! Then she looked concerned, she told me she was newly married and that she and her husband only had sex once every three months. One controlling factor in her bedroom was pain. That is something a doctor would be able to help her with. So, do not be afraid to talk to your OBGYN and tell them about pain, lack of feeling or anything that you think sounds strange for your body. Enjoy life!!

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Momville: Stories For Moms Who THOUGHT They Knew It All, Just Like I Did!!!!

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“I heard a Fly buzz – when I died –
The Stillness in the Room
Was like the Stillness in the Air –
Between the Heaves of Storm –

The Eyes around – had wrung them dry –
And Breaths were gathering firm
For that last Onset – when the King
Be witnessed – in the Room –

I willed my Keepsakes – Signed away
What portion of me be
Assignable – and then it was
There interposed a Fly –

With Blue – uncertain – stumbling Buzz –
Between the light – and me –
And then the Windows failed – and then
I could not see to see -”
I heard a Fly buzz – when I died –

The Stillness in the Room
Was like the Stillness in the Air –
Between the Heaves of Storm –

The Eyes around – had wrung them dry –
And Breaths were gathering firm

For that last Onset – when the King
Be witnessed – in the Room –


I willed my Keepsakes – Signed away
What portion of me be
Assignable – and then it was
There interposed a Fly –



With Blue – uncertain – stumbling Buzz –
Between the light – and me –
And then the Windows failed – and then
I could not see to see –

Emily Dickinson

I decided to start Momville after looking at all the stories I had posted in relation to my children. It’s not a self help series, it’s more of a series that shows, we aren’t perfect. Momville includes questions that come with parenting and issues with learning how to let go. I’m a mother of three girls and one of them is about to be married in six months. My youngest is 13 and many of my postings in Momville will be about raising that 13 year old and the 17 year old with their unique way of seeing life.

My youngest is a YouTube personality, she is also in tennis, theater, and choir. This is the first time we’ve had a child on a sport’s teem. My oldest daughter is pretty much a computer geek, and the middle one, wants to be a chef or an actress. She is in theater, culinary arts and her normal high school schedule. I spend a lot of time talking about mental health issues because I have that in my family. I don’t like to hide it because I know I’m not alone. Plus, I think it helps to know that others are going through some of the same situations that you might be going through. My nightly conversations all tend to be geared towards pushing down walls and letting people in.

The thing about Momville is that it’s here to remind people that we are human. I went from thinking I knew everything about being a GOOD mom to understanding that I wasn’t the best mom in the world. As a matter of fact, I was letting my job get in the way of being a mom. It took me seeing a family grieve over the death of their daughter to make me see mine in a totally unrelenting view. I knew from that moment on, there was no job greater than being the mother to my girls and being there in their times of need. So, enjoy the stories found in Momville and think of how you can make your own. Above all else, just know, we are all in this together.

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How My Children View Black History Month

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I try to be as encouraging as I can when it comes to things I talk to my children about. This is Black History Month so I thought it would be a good idea to watch some black historical shows with the girls. I found this one series on HULU called “The Book Of Negroes” I thought it sounded like a good show. After minutes went by, the girls started to get up and walk out of the room. I looked around and noticed they had an uncomfortable twitch going, so, I paused the movie.

That’s when it happened. I was bombarded with questions as to why was I watching this type of show? It’s Black History Month so I thought it would be a good idea to talk about our roots, but I should have known better. Every Black History Month we run into this same issue. I find a good movie or show to view and the children protest. So this time around they asked me something that I haven’t heard before. They insisted that watching the show made them feel sad and then they asked me, why didn’t it make me sad? I told them that it reminded me that we are here for a reason and that our people made big sacrifices so that we would be able to live in the house we live in, eat the foods we eat, walk down the streets we walk down, and sleep in late on Saturdays, if we wanted to.

They countered with, doesn’t it make you dislike white people? I answered no more than I would dislike the ones who sold our ancestors into slavery. They nodded and continued out of the room. I don’t know if they will ever be ready to learn about our history, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop trying to give little history lessons when I can. However, I can’t lie, there’s part of me starting to wonder if we maybe focus a little too much on the history and not enough on the future.

Children Taking A Stand In Their Own Way. Episode of Momville

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My daughter struggled with learning how to fit in until we explained one basic rule. It’s normal to be abnormal and perhaps abnormal to be normal. So somewhere in between the uncanny words, unfinished statements, she found her voice! She went from the below video to the YouTube girly she is today!! Help your children learn to love who they are and not hide their true self. We live in a very judgmental time and often those who are most different find themselves the target of bullying. She’s happier today because she is no longer living by the world’s rules. It’s simple, learn what they like and try to be supportive.

Ally and her reaction to @bts_bighit ! It’s kind of funny to see her speechless!! Gotta love our babies!! @kpopredictions_ @Kpop_Herald @MTV @YouTube pic.twitter.com/WAxxXjdbJW— Shellz (@ArtsBlogKeeper1) February 7, 2019

This really shows you how different children are in regards to ideas and talent. This is the 13 year old who has her own YouTube channel and fan base. She’s a little activist and I couldn’t be prouder.

I think the thing I’m most proud of is that she took her love for this group and tried to bring awareness to a subject that we often don’t talk about until something awful happens. She has managed to show how sometimes we live in patterns when it comes to picking people who mean us no good. I read most of her work, and while I might not like some of the wording, I get the fact that she’s trying to send a message out. In a world full of drugs, sex, and alcohol, I’m glad my daughter has found a love for something else. At 13 I was writing poetry. At 13 she’s writing stories about girls being stuck in domestic violence.

My Daughter The Unlikely Youtube Star! KPOP Fanfiction! BTS, NCT, Got7

Posted on by in Momville, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Some months ago my daughter set out to make her first fanfiction piece. It was different for her because she was really into art around that time. If you recall some of my prior postings she was also dealing with some stuff because of my job and me never really being around.

After we moved here she wanted to share her love for KPOP by writing a story for fans like herself. I think it was a way to keep in touch with all the friends she left behind. I must admit, the not so cool mom in me was quite confused. Yet, I wanted to be supportive because that’s what parents do! I never really understood fanfiction, but after reading some of her work, I’m all in. I’m still not too crazy about the curse words, but I get she’s trying to tell a story. Too bad she will not let me know any inside info! I want to know who ends up with the girl. I even promised not to say a word, but I’m in the dark just like some of you! So for some of my readers that like KPOP, I will list her episodes below. I hope you enjoy it! I don’t know much about Youtube, but she has over 30K views on her fanfiction stories together. I just think it’s really cool and I wish I had an ounce of that creativity when I was her age.

KPOP Inspired

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I wanted to show how my daughter’s dramas are doing. It’s hard to believe she turned 13 last month and she’s already writing dramas. When I was her age I was playing in the woods with my relatives. If memory has it right, we were playing wizards. We would grab onto sticks and belts and play like we were magical creatures. It often resulted in cut lips, missing teeth, but it was fun! 

This is part one.

This is Two

This is four.

If you like BTS, Blackpink or other KPOP groups, I think you will like her story. 

On another note, I get a stank faces when people find out that my daughter likes KPOP, but here’s the thing! People of all races and nationalities can enjoy a wide range of things. Do not limit yourself by placing yourself into a box. Enjoy life while you can because the ability to enjoy it might not always be there.