Ginny and Georgia

Netflix has set the bar high with Ginny and Georgia. I first started viewing the series Ginny and Georgia last night. For anyone with daughters struggling to fit in, this show is for you. It showcases how teens deal with coming into their sexuality and how little things make the difference in how they see themselves.

We get to know Georgia’s teenage daughter Ginny, who is struggling with overcoming insecurities as growing up being two races. As a mother of three biracial daughters, I can tell you the struggle is spot on. My 15-year-old has hair like Genny’s, and if you let her tell it, her hair is her worst enemy. It is very curly and too silky to keep braids. We have tried everything, but nothing helps when it comes to getting rid of the curls. We have flattened it only to see it curl back un in a day or two.

In the past, we would tease that she was just unlucky and got the in-between hair. After watching the show, I feel like those comments might have aided in her not liking herself. At one point, Ginny, who self mutilates just like my daughter did, talks about the struggle of how she doesn’t feel like she belongs to any race. She had a hard time fitting in with black people because she was too light. Yet, she couldn’t do things like wear make-up or wear certain hairstyles like white people because she was too dark. Fitting in is so important to children, after my daughter ripped her arm to shreds we put her in a self empowerment group. She just stated over and over that she didn’t feel pretty, she often talked about not fitting in. She felt separated by not only her appearance but her music.

So, as I am looking at this show, I couldn’t help but think back to all remarks Alison made regarding her hair ordeal. She would say something like I love their hair, I wish my hair was like that, or I wish my hair could at least get braided. Yet, she could never point out anything good about herself. Of course, I tried to remind her that she had great hair and that she should be happy that she would never need a perm. I grew up having to get perms and get my hair pressed which, can be nightmares. So, I didn’t feel too sympathetic to her remarks about having a different grade of hair because I didn’t understand the real issue.

I was minimizing her feelings about being pretty or not feeling happy. I think as parents, we sometimes want to put a bandage on things, but there are some issues we cannot speak on. When we were dealing with Alison cutting, I remember having daily conversations on how she felt about herself; it always ended with me trying to reassure her that she was perfect. Yet, perhaps those weren’t the words she needed to hear.

She was struggling with her identity, and it started with hair and flowed, all the way to sexuality. I finally told her about a year ago that people do their best when they no longer live by adopting labels. Labels are dangerous and often more confining than any box. This show is an excellent pick for people with children who are going through an identity crisis. I just couldn’t help but feel like Ginny was my Ally. The things she talked about in the essay/poem she read in her class, sounded so familiar. I felt like they read my daughter’s life out loud.

Not only does this series show the struggle of children, but it also shows the extremes of a single parent who will stop at nothing to make sure her kids are safe. In most cases, we would die for our children. I do not want to give away spoilers, but I get Georgia, and I can get behind some of the choices she made. She did the best she could with the deck of cards she was handed.

MOM Dilemma

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So, my daughter wants to go to a community college because she does not think she is smart enough to get into University. However, I want her to at least apply. Part of me wants to do the applications behind her back because I feel like she would gain acceptance. Yet, she has specifically asked me not too.

The only reason she doesn’t want me to apply is because she fears rejection. We have a 23 year old that is about to go back to college, but she will be online. I want my 19 year old to experience life away from home. I do not want her to end up like the 23 year old who is comfortable with staying with us until she is 30.

I have the devil and angel thing going on right now as I keep watching time slit away. Should I take matters into my own hands and at least send in an application to a couple of universities or is that something that the children really need to do on their own? I have been so used to being there at every little turn, but I do not know how to move forward in this situation. I do not want to step over my boundaries as a mom.

Any thoughts???

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Birthday From Hell Because $100 Bucks Was Too Little

It is a little after three in the morning, and I am still reeling from my daughter’s birthday. In my family, we have a tradition. Every birthday person gets a certain amount of money and their special day. However, after 12 AM hits, all bets are off.

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Well, since COVID-19 happened, we had to cut back on somethings. This year we put in place a $100 maximum per birthday. Last month was the 15-year old’s birthday, and she lost 50 of her 100 at the mall. A typical birthday is celebrated all day until midnight. Every single person in the family watches the shows that are picked by the birthday girl or boy. It can be hell day for the ones of us who hate anime, or horror shows because you can bet one of those two will be on the menu. However, most of the time the birthday person picks a meal that the entire family likes which makes up for the horrible shows!!!!

The entire week including on the 27th, my daughter was adamant about not wanting 100 bucks because she said it wouldn’t buy anything. She wanted $200 and insisted that we fork over $200 or nothing at all. I informed her; that she was headed for a rude awakening, but she insisted that she would not be part of any celebrations if we gave her 100.

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So, yesterday came, and I didn’t give her anything. She woke up, and it pretty much went downhill from there. She didn’t want to watch anything; she wanted to argue the entire time. I went into my room and shut the door. Hours later, she was ready to be civil, she was happy to finish her day off with cake and dinner.

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I told my husband that I wasn’t sure about not giving her the money but that she needed to understand the meaning of gratefulness. I explained to her that there is a country full of people who cannot even get a pack of chicken for dinner, but she had the nerve to stick her nose up at $100 bucks because it wasn’t enough. Part of me feels bad about not giving it to her, but the other part feels like she got the message. Afterward, when she asked if maybe we would think about giving it to her later, it looked like she understood that it was a blessing instead of a big fat nothing. It was a hard day, but I think it a lesson in humility was needed. People do what they can , and it is a blessing no matter the gift.

Warning! I Had To Take My Kids Off Remote Learning

If you follow my blog, you know I am a big advocate for safety. I champion safe environments for children, but remote learning was starting to take a negative affect on my youngest child. It was a tough situation because one daughter was doing really good with remote learning. She was doing all the assignments! We printed out directions, passed it to the kids, and made sure they understood what they needed to do. We even helped them find different websites to help enhance their learning. Everything was going well until after about 4 weeks of school. The one with a history of asthma slowly started to shut all the way down because she missed being at school.

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She was the main reason I didn’t want the girls going to school. I was terrified of her getting COVID especially after my sister and cousins caught it from their schools. However, she started sleeping all the time and refusing to do her work. On one occasion she ran out of the house to her friend’s house because she didn’t want to work on her missing assignments. It was like the harder I pushed, the more she refused. Even having her sit down next to me wasn’t producing the intended outcome. It looks so easy in the photo right? Try doing the same pose with a 15 yr old who has made up her mind that she isn’t going to do her work anymore.

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It was frustrating! We had one child who was doing a great job with remote learning and listening most of the time. We purchased books on the side just so we could help our children, but it really was the social interaction that was doing the 15 yr in. My 15 yr old had went from a happy kid to a depressed vessel walking around the house. After we put her back in school her mood boomeranged. She was once again the fun loving child, we all knew , and her grades picked up.

I think if you are thinking about remote learning, you have to take your child’s personality into consideration which is something I didn’t do. While the daughter who dislikes social interaction did great at remote learning, the one who thrived in social environments seemed to show signs of distress. The one who disliked crowds was energetic and excited about getting her work done, while the 15 yr was the direct opposite. Now that they are both back in school they meet up for lunch and eat outside due to the crowds in the lunchroom.

For you guys out there that might be going through the same situation, make sure you monitor your children’s moods and stay on top of their grades. If it is taking days on top of days to get them to complete assignments or if they refuse to turn them in, you might have to come up with a new plan. For us, it was a hard choice, but watching her melt away wasn’t an option either.