Dancing With Donald Trump

Dancing With Donald Trump

If you are anything like me, you are more than ready for 2020 to arrive and leave. One of the main reasons I can’t wait to see 2020 come and go is because we are in desperate need of new blood in Congress. We have two types of people occupying Congress right now. We have people unwilling to disturb the waters, and people who are jumping into the deep end of the pool, without knowing how to swim.

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Meanwhile, we have this issue with Speaker Of The House Pelosi and President Trump. If I didn’t know any better, I would swear that these two have a secret flirt affair going on. On one hand we have Democrats calling for the impeachment process to start. On the other hand,Speaker of the House Pelosi wants to see President Trump locked up.

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So, what am I missing? The last time I checked the president can’t be locked up without being impeached. If you aren’t going to start the process, repair your relationship and move on. The bickering and jabbing is starting to get old. Most of us just want to see results that benefit our country. We want to see a fair immigration system, better healthcare, a judicial system that works for all, and climate control.

We want to see an immigration system that does not destabilize countries that need each other. We also need to focus on making sure people have the right to healthcare and that they aren’t kicked off their plans due to preexisting illnesses. There is a mental health crisis in this country and nobody seems to want to talk about that. The truth is, treating mental illness is more expensive than treating asthma in some cases. I recall going to the doctor to schedule an exam for my daughter’s ADHD it was going to cost us over 300 with insurance. We aren’t even talking about the medication, we are talking about the mental health exam. Estimations show that we have at least 66 million people that are documented having some sort of mental illness problem occurring within 1 yr. https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-by-the-numbers

Those estimates are based on people that we track, there are millions more who are suffering from things and they will never go into a clinic. They will stay in the dark due to the fear of stigma attached to being mentally ill. Yet, we argue about gun control and forget about the very things that cause people to act out. If congress feels the need to proceed with the process of impeachment , then so be it. However, if there is nothing there, we need to move on and fix our issues as a country. We have seen enough dancing between Pelosi and Trump. If I want to be entertained, I will watch a dancing show.

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Using Disability As Cash Cow

Fair warning*** Some of you might not like the article of the day. However, it’s Friday, so you will get over it. When I first starting working in the social work field I was introduced to the disability cash cow.

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Before you get irate, I’m not talking about people needing help because they honestly need help. My mother worked most of her life, she got sick in her 50’s which resulted in her having to get disability. A few years after she got her disability, she died. I’m talking about people placing their children on disability as a means of income. There are some issues that will automatically give birth to the need of disability, however today we are talking about the ones that do not.

My first encounter with this situation started around 2012. I was at work and a lady entered my office with her three children. All of her children were under 7 and two of the three were diagnosed with disorders. In most cases, I haven’t heard of people giving children under five schizophrenia diagnosis. Yet, I am not a doctor, so maybe it happens. However, when I questioned the mom about letting her children attend school red flags started to show up.

She went on to talk about how she didn’t want them in a school and how the school wouldn’t be able to take care of them like she did. She was in a shelter and from what I could tell she had other people looking after her children most of the day. She then told me that she was getting around 1500 a month in disability and she was in the process of getting the youngest child placed on disability for their ADHD.

My daughter as many of you know suffers from ADHD/ADD and ODD. She was briefly diagnosed with having an intellectual disability until she was retested a couple of years ago. Around the time she received the intellectual disability diagnoses someone tried to talk me into putting my child on disability. I was told she would be able to get money because of that and her ADHD. I smiled and politely informed the person that I wasn’t placing my child on anything because I was going to help her learn how to control it.

Here’s the point, there are times when someone might need to get disability, but I would think long and hard about it before I sign any papers. Maybe talk to someone in legal. My daughter works and she plans on going to college to get a career. While her struggles have been real, our encouragement has been never ending. I always think back to the 19 yr I met years ago. She was bright, funny, and such a pleasure to be around. I would often make her read aloud in group when we went over coping skills. At first she was scared, but later she started to really shine.

I asked her why didn’t she think about going to college one afternoon. She then informed me that she had a low IQ which prevented her from being able to go to college. Apparently, her mother told her she was too slow and put her on disability with the help of professionals. Her mother was using her disability as a cash cow until she moved out of the house and then issues started because she wanted to work. We must always think about what’s good for our children and not what’s easiest for us.

Nextdoor App Exposes People You Do Not Want Living Next Door.

Nextdoor App Exposes People You Do Not Want Living Next Door.
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For the past few months I’ve been reading the post on Nextdoor. If you aren’t familiar with the app, let me give you the run down. Nextdoor is an application that neighbors use to post various things for their neighborhood to see. Some of the information can be useful, but often some of the information seems to be a little too dramatic.

One morning someone posted a vent asking people to walk their pets in their backyards due to her being tired of seeing poop in her yard. Needless to say, this didn’t go over well. Apparently, people like walking their dogs, but they do not like taking doggy bags with them for the retrieval method!

Another evening, a thread was started about someone selling internet, or some other service from house to house. The author of the post stated that the person in question was told that he pretty much wasn’t welcomed. So, instead of leaving the property, the individual decided to ask the owner of the house if he was being turned away due to his race? The author of the post went on to talk about how the person used the race card, while another member stated that door to door salesmen didn’t have equal opportunity.

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At that point, I told my husband our neighborhood seems to have a drama problem. From frequent posters speaking of shootings every weekend minus emergency vehicle follow-ups to neighborhood watchmen wanting to play cops, I felt it was time for my review. After reading a thread about events unwinding at a “local” crack house near the neighborhood, my husband questioned the authors about the location. Instead of us getting a response, we got silence. Another person questioned about the house, again nothing but silence.

I have come to the conclusion that Nextdoor, helps me know exactly who I do not want living next door to me. If you can’t give accurate details, you are doing nothing more than spreading gossip.

How Are You Rating Your Quality Time

How Are You Rating Your Quality Time

Families are made up of so many different things. With each family comes a set of unique illustrations that paint that family’s life from within. Trauma seems to add new details and sections to the dynamics which can ultimately alter how families are able to coexist among each other. It is at the end of the school year, and we have come to the conclusion that we are still dealing with the tremors of trauma from five years ago.

If the event would have been an earthquake, you would have expected to see small tremors that popped up some years ago. However, it seems as though the tremors are harmonic in nature and ever reaching. We were finally able to have a real heart to heart with our 13 year old. Yes, I said the 13 year old. She was 8 when her sister was attacked and my oldest was 16. In many ways we focused so much and so hard on the recovery process for one child that we nearly lost the other two.

My eldest has been living in Florida for nearly six months now. It makes me sad to write this because I don’t know how much I missed when it comes to being there for the 13 year old. For the past five years while I was trying to save one daughter, I was slowly letting the other two drift away. After having a real heart to heart, my baby finally opened up and told me how she felt.

She informed me that there were nights that she would just lay in her room crying because she felt like we didn’t see her. No parent ever wants to hear that, you do not want to hear that you were a shit parent. I think I did what my parents did in many ways. I tried to bring in things to make up for not being there. We had the season tickets to Six Flags, great hiking adventures, and even trips to craters. We were really trying to meet that quality time quota that so many of us play towards.

Now, we are looking at quality time in a much different way. It’s about those trips to markets that result in instant bright face appreciation as well as those moments of tenderness because some boy has broken her heart. It’s about telling her how much we love her each and every night and telling her no matter the outcome, she will overcome. In my mind, I still see her as

this little one. This picture was taken on some random day at the park. We decided to ditch the normal routine after school and have a play date. Don’t make the mistake that we made and think that quality time has to be something like below.

Hiking in the mountains.

Going to ballet.

Mining in dormant volcanoes.

It can be anything as simple as just watching your kids walk ahead of you at the park. If you are anything like my family, you are still trying to work out the kinks. We are moving in a better direction, but that direction now comes with open eyes. It’s not always easy after you take off the rose colored glasses, but it’s something that you can’t ignore. Don’t miss those moments.

Don’t Get Shipwrecked On Regret

We all have moments in our lives that forever change the way we see the world. The moment can be a chance meeting with a new love, missed chance to say I love you to an old love, or a bad decision that set you on a different path. The truth is, you may never get that situation back or the circumstances that made that situation ripe for the taking.

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I challenge you to move away from wishing you could do it all over again. Don’t look backwards, but focus on right now. You are in a small boat sailing down a large river in the middle of nowhere. The river is wide and long with rocks lining both sides of the boat. Looking backwards you now notice that the water was smooth without a hint of danger, but you now see danger everywhere. You can’t turn the boat around due to the jagged rocks on the side, so you can only keep sailing forward.

That’s life, in life we sometimes leave the things we thought were dull or too safe and jump into uncharted waters. You can’t wish yourself out of the situation, you have to make your way to land. Perhaps the situation you find yourself in right now feels scary and jaded. However, take comfort in knowing that there’s always a break in the crazy. The trick is keeping your eyes open and not losing focus on what’s important.

Prior to the trip you might have thought you wanted excitement and danger. Yet, now you see that calm provided you with something much more valuable. It provided you with what you needed in that moment to start on the next journey, called life. Everything we go through has reason and purpose. Learn to embrace the current before you find yourself shipwrecked on some tiny beach called regret.

Some years ago when I first found out we were moving to Germany, I freaked out. I had heard so many bad things about Germany and the people that I was terrified. After I made it to Frankfurt, I recall feeling so out of place. Soon my husband showed up and I walked outside the airport. I no longer felt like I had left something so precious behind, I started to see that I had just stepped foot onto something that was equally as precious in its own little way.

The Dangers Of Keeping A Child In A Volatile Situation

The Dangers Of Keeping A Child In A Volatile Situation

Often times we divorce our spouses if the situation becomes too volatile. However, how many of us move our children away from bullying situations when they become volatile? As a mother of a child who suffered from extreme bullying, I would warn you about keeping that child in the same school. Right after my daughter’s attack we moved her away from the school, but when she started middle school the next school year the girls all filtered into that school. The counselors at the school were a complete joke. They told me that my daughter was no longer getting bothered and that they even called the children into the office to see if anyone was talking to her.

One morning I watched Ariana from the corner of my eye silently cry as we drove her to school. Something just told me to not go home so I waited. After a few minutes I drove around and then I found her hiding in between two buildings with her books pressed up against her chest. She was in a tight spot crying and scared to move. I got her attention and told her to come here. She walked to the car with tears still running down her cheek and talked about being sorry. She said she just couldn’t face anyone it was too much. I nodded and told her to get back into the car and we drove around the school and then I enrolled her out. I enrolled her in a private school a few miles down the street. She was loved at the school and did really well. She was a favorite in her French class and was well liked by many of her teachers, but there was the issue of interacting with children that still needed to be dealt with.

We still lived in Garland, so running into those children was an issue. Every time we thought we were doing better an encounter with one of them would send her crashing once more. Soon her Freshman year of high school was calling. She wanted to go to her home high school which meant she would be around those girls again. I wasn’t for it, but I finally decided if she felt ready, I would let her try once more. She was scared out of her mind her first day of school. She had started second guessing the idea of going to the high school, but she wanted to try it out.

She came home that day with this corky smile on her face. She had discovered she was a magnet for boys. She also said one of the girls that used to bully her, came up and said hi. She talked about being blown away and she didn’t know how to take it at first. In the common weeks she would talk to numerous people and even stand up to bullying against others, she was no longer the target. She was still known as the one who was attacked, but it wasn’t something that the children often talked about. She didn’t get invited anywhere so her nights were pretty much always lonely. She was still having a really hard time making friends, so we all decided that perhaps we just needed a new beginning.

We moved two maybe three hours away from that area. She was finally able to do things like go to games with people, go to eateries, and even to the movies. Ariana was able to have a life because we got her out of that broken environment. You see bullying is very mental and I think keeping the children in the environment hurts them more than we know. We still deal with social interaction issues, but she’s no longer constantly by herself. We have to make sure our children aren’t isolating. In many of the incidents with bullied children turning to violence or committing suicide they often isolate and target certain children. We have to make sure that we are doing all we can to repair the damage that has been done by the bullying. As parents, we can’t take the position that it will make them stronger to make them stay.

In Ariana’s medical record it had chest contusion, aggravated assault, leg injury, but it never had a broken spirit. We were ready for the physical stuff, but it was the mental stuff that nearly shattered my daughter into pieces. Talk about it with your children and truly ask how they are doing. Take notice of behaviors that could be problematic and above all else, tell them you love them.

Another Episode of Momville

Another Episode of Momville

Yesterday my daughter came in with another script from her theater class. She has loved theater for a long time and I really think it has helped her work through some of her issues. However, she still gets the occasional blues in regards to being social. She talks about not fitting in and hating the fact that nobody wants to do anything with her. In her mind she’s ugly and stupid because of her ADHD. We can tell her a million times that that isn’t the case and that she’s wonderful, but she just doesn’t see it.

Anyway, back to Tuesday. As her teacher was handing out scripts, she also assigned parts for the kids to read and Ariana’s partner decided he would publicly voice his discomfort in being paired with my daughter. So, after she came home and put her bag on the table, she walked into the computer room. I asked about her school day and that’s when she told me about the little creep who pretty much stated he wouldn’t work with her.

I don’t know if I handled the situation right, but I told her not to worry and informed her that I would help her learn both lines. I know nothing about theater. I stayed away from it, but I read lines with her last night. I played the part of the guy and she mostly corrected me, because I sucked! However, she sounded great and we are going to do it again tonight. I guess my question is, should I be making her learn both lines? I mean, I just don’t want her to get a bad grade if he doesn’t want to learn his part. What do you do in this situation? Can she even benefit from learning both lines?