Our Children And Our Reaction To Bullying

Our Children And Our Reaction To Bullying

My daughter could have been on the road to becoming a killer until we fought back. At some random school this morning, a child is hiding in the bathroom because he or she is too afraid to walk the halls due to bullying. I know it to be true because it was my daughter’s life for over a year before she was finally attacked. I’m going to try to tread very carefully while I write this, but I’m also going to be very honest. So, I warn you now, this might piss you off, but it has to be said.

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School shootings do not happen by accident. Guns do not walk into the class and fire without a person pulling the trigger. Show me a school that has death due to school shootings/suicide, I’m willing to bet that school has also dealt with a problem in regards to bullying. Bullying has lasting effects, it not only hurts the students that the harmful words are aimed at, but it also hurts people caught in the environment of the issue. I can tell you this because I know it to be true. It has taken my own daughter years to overcome the words and pain associated with bullying.

My daughter’s attack happened on a playground with nearly a dozen children surrounding her. She was rolled up in a ball and kicked over and over. The children then tried to impale her head on a steel pike. At the time of her attack four teachers were on the playground. A boy stepped in and saved her. He took her to the office and I was called. That week after we got her home she tried to commit suicide twice. After weeks or so she started acting out violently. She pushed my oldest daughter in the street and then tried to push her down stairs.

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I remember grabbing her and putting her in the car asking what was she thinking. She told me she knew it was wrong, but that she just wanted power. She said she felt so powerless and it made her feel powerful to be able to do finally stand up for herself. Needless to say, this scared the crap out of me. We talked about her feelings and the outcome of harming others because of the pain she felt for at least 6 to 8 months after the incident. We even had to commit her for a little until we could get her to calm down.

Today, I’m glad to report that she no longer has those same anger issues, but it wasn’t easy dealing with those issues that came after the attack. After one of the school shootings we were talking and she added that she felt torn in some of the cases. She said she felt horrible about the people who died, but that she also felt bad for the person who was bullied. As a parent that watched my daughter go through so many different emotions in regards to her incident, I think it gives me a unique outlook.

My daughter didn’t shoot up a school, yet she did try to hurt her sister. Luckily, I worked in mental health, I knew the warning signs, I knew the right people, and I was able to focus entirely on her healing.

However, I do not know what I would have done, if I didn’t know some of the things that I knew at that time. Ariana was dealing with a range of emotions that we knew nothing of and most importantly we couldn’t relate to her on those levels. So, it was a lot of redirecting negative behavior and replacing negative feelings with her love for cooking. I think we went broke that year! We have to do something about bullying because it produces rage. I wasn’t going to let that rage take over my child. My daughter is now almost 18 and I can tell you that we haven’t had an episode in about three years. She has been able to make a few friends, and she’s now being a normal kid.

She told me recently that she still can’t help but think about that day from time to time, but that she’s not mad about it anymore. I know we want to make these issues about gun control, but it’s about so much more. The true weapon is bullying and it can cause mass causalities or a single fatality. We are seeing too many children commit suicide and harm each other over the feelings associated with bullying. It’s time to have real conversations about the need to revamp how schools keep records in regards to bullying.

Ariana today.

We need to hold the schools more accountable and in some cases the parents as well. After Ariana was attacked, I didn’t hear from not one of the children’s parents which is even sadder. We can do so much better.

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The Dangers Of Keeping A Child In A Volatile Situation

The Dangers Of Keeping A Child In A Volatile Situation

Often times we divorce our spouses if the situation becomes too volatile. However, how many of us move our children away from bullying situations when they become volatile? As a mother of a child who suffered from extreme bullying, I would warn you about keeping that child in the same school. Right after my daughter’s attack we moved her away from the school, but when she started middle school the next school year the girls all filtered into that school. The counselors at the school were a complete joke. They told me that my daughter was no longer getting bothered and that they even called the children into the office to see if anyone was talking to her.

One morning I watched Ariana from the corner of my eye silently cry as we drove her to school. Something just told me to not go home so I waited. After a few minutes I drove around and then I found her hiding in between two buildings with her books pressed up against her chest. She was in a tight spot crying and scared to move. I got her attention and told her to come here. She walked to the car with tears still running down her cheek and talked about being sorry. She said she just couldn’t face anyone it was too much. I nodded and told her to get back into the car and we drove around the school and then I enrolled her out. I enrolled her in a private school a few miles down the street. She was loved at the school and did really well. She was a favorite in her French class and was well liked by many of her teachers, but there was the issue of interacting with children that still needed to be dealt with.

We still lived in Garland, so running into those children was an issue. Every time we thought we were doing better an encounter with one of them would send her crashing once more. Soon her Freshman year of high school was calling. She wanted to go to her home high school which meant she would be around those girls again. I wasn’t for it, but I finally decided if she felt ready, I would let her try once more. She was scared out of her mind her first day of school. She had started second guessing the idea of going to the high school, but she wanted to try it out.

She came home that day with this corky smile on her face. She had discovered she was a magnet for boys. She also said one of the girls that used to bully her, came up and said hi. She talked about being blown away and she didn’t know how to take it at first. In the common weeks she would talk to numerous people and even stand up to bullying against others, she was no longer the target. She was still known as the one who was attacked, but it wasn’t something that the children often talked about. She didn’t get invited anywhere so her nights were pretty much always lonely. She was still having a really hard time making friends, so we all decided that perhaps we just needed a new beginning.

We moved two maybe three hours away from that area. She was finally able to do things like go to games with people, go to eateries, and even to the movies. Ariana was able to have a life because we got her out of that broken environment. You see bullying is very mental and I think keeping the children in the environment hurts them more than we know. We still deal with social interaction issues, but she’s no longer constantly by herself. We have to make sure our children aren’t isolating. In many of the incidents with bullied children turning to violence or committing suicide they often isolate and target certain children. We have to make sure that we are doing all we can to repair the damage that has been done by the bullying. As parents, we can’t take the position that it will make them stronger to make them stay.

In Ariana’s medical record it had chest contusion, aggravated assault, leg injury, but it never had a broken spirit. We were ready for the physical stuff, but it was the mental stuff that nearly shattered my daughter into pieces. Talk about it with your children and truly ask how they are doing. Take notice of behaviors that could be problematic and above all else, tell them you love them.

Is It Gun Violence Or Bullying That Creates The Problem

Is It Gun Violence Or Bullying That Creates The Problem

A lot of people talk about gun violence as being a top worry in today’s America. We talk about school shootings and the need to place stronger restrictions on guns. I’m here to tell you that we wouldn’t have so many school shootings if we would tackle the issue of bullying the right way. Meet Ariana prior to a bullying incident which would change her whole outlook on life. She was your normal happy kid. She loved ice cream and she was friendly.

A few years later Ariana would start a new school and become the targets of bullies. They jumped my daughter and beat on her while she was curled up in a little ball. Picture 11 kids around you, and four teachers nearby. A boy came up and saved her before they were able to do more damage.

After the attack took place Ariana tried to kill herself twice in one week. She suffered from PTSD for a while and had a hard time establishing relationships. She was so fearful of people and there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t take away those feelings and I couldn’t wipe the event from her memory.

It took years before Ariana could learn how to trust people again. It took a while until we saw this smile come back, but it took us moving away from Garland and those memories before she was able to just be Ariana and not the girl who was jumped. She was mob jumped so those girls were in her school, malls, movies, and it became a constant rehabilitating issue when she would run across one. My husband said that on one occasion he and my other two daughters went out for ice cream with Ariana. One of those girls involved in the attack walked by and my daughter tried to hide in her seat.

We are no longer in that area and she no longer has to worry about seeing those children, but I know she still thinks about them from time to time. She’s able to make friends now, but we are still working on keeping them. So, I guess the point is, my daughter could have died three times because of the incident on April 4th. All three didn’t have a gun present, so talk to your children about the way they treat each other. Those actions often give birth to more pain.

Is It Contradictory To Berate Melania Trump For Her Clothing?

One of the best things about being an Independent is being able to see both sides of an argument without taking anything too personal. I think it’s important to understand that we are all united. It doesn’t matter what side of the road you live on or the color of your skin. With that said, I really hate the berating comments about Melania Trump. She wasn’t a lawyer, teacher, doctor, or scientist prior to her marriage. However, she was then and is now, a woman.

Why are we letting jobs demean women? I mean, make no mistake, by demeaning Melania, you are demeaning models who thrive in bringing fashion to us. She dresses nice because that is her brand.  Since when did we start knocking people for being who they are? Take notice of the person, not the clothing. In my opinion, Melania Trump did something which was extremely brave. She went to a Continent that her husband had pretty much thrown away and learned about this wonderful group of people on her own. She could have stayed home, but she took up the torch and did something only a few other First Ladies had accomplished.

Saul thought he was doing the right thing in the beginning of his journey until he was shown the truth of his ways on the road to Damascus. Sometimes the journey teaches the heart more than words could ever do. Don’t forget to be your best.

 

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Would the world mock her?

attractive beautiful beautiful girl casual
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Would the world mock her?

gray scale photo of nude woman
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If Tyra Banks, Claudia Schiffer, Kate Moss, Gisele Bündchen can all appear nude for the sake of their work, why are we judging Melania Trump?