Don’t Be Afraid To Ask About Sexual Issues.

We all have our shy moments. In the beginning of my marriage I couldn’t bring myself to say penis around my husband because it made be blush like crazy. So, I would say “woo woo” or something else just because I was so uncomfortable with saying the word!! After the birth of my second child things started to change. I went from having to take Motrin after sex pre second child to not really knowing how to feel about the sexual encounter post second child.

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I would ask my husband if he was satisfied and of course he would say yes. Then he would ask me and I would lie and give the same response. After a few weeks I started to get concerned. I went for a check up one afternoon and confessed my issues to my doctor. I was like I have a problem. She turned around and asked me what was going on. I informed her that I could no longer feel my husband. It was an awkward thing to say, but I wasn’t ready to give up my sex life at 24 or 25 years old.

She performed some test with her fingers and I found out why I couldn’t enjoy sex. My muscles were shot after giving birth to my daughter. I had an episiotomy with my second child which from my understanding wasn’t all that great for my muscles. Nobody informed me how important the kegels would be after the episiotomy, so the appointment was a must. She then informed me that I needed to do like 200 kegels a day to get my muscles back to semi normal. So, me being the overachiever I am, I decided to do like 500 a day until things got back to normal.

The point is, do not be afraid to ask your doctor about things that you might be too embarrassed to bring up in the bedroom. Sex is a beautiful thing, but it’s not so beautiful if only one person enjoys it. A few years ago a woman saw a passion mark on my neck and was like do you and your husband still have sex!! I started laughing and blurted out about four times a week like normal people! Then she looked concerned, she told me she was newly married and that she and her husband only had sex once every three months. One controlling factor in her bedroom was pain. That is something a doctor would be able to help her with. So, do not be afraid to talk to your OBGYN and tell them about pain, lack of feeling or anything that you think sounds strange for your body. Enjoy life!!

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Wishing The Duchess of Sussex A Peaceful Transition Into Motherhood !

Now that Kensington Palace has released a message in regards to the treatment of both The Duchess or Sussex and The Duchess of Cambridge, we can now all exhale. I’m just so happy that that both women are now going to be able to get a break from some of the harsh treatment that has been thrown their way over the past months.

My daughter was a victim of bullying and I can tell you as a mother, it hurts to see your children in pain. The Duchess of Sussex was a victim of cyber-bullying. It’s perhaps one of the hardest ones to deal with because it is everywhere you turn. No matter how you feel about a person, never forget that people have feelings. Riches do not protect against harsh words and treatment. So, please remember that in your future journey. Life doesn’t have to be bitter.

Lastly, support these women like they were your sisters, daughters and best friends. A woman once told me to practice my nagging in front of a mirror before I tried them out on my husband. She insisted that if I didn’t like the way the words looked coming back at me then chances were he wouldn’t either. Maybe that’s a reason I will be married 22 yrs tomorrow. Kindness moves the world.

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Our Children And Our Reaction To Bullying

My daughter could have been on the road to becoming a killer until we fought back. At some random school this morning, a child is hiding in the bathroom because he or she is too afraid to walk the halls due to bullying. I know it to be true because it was my daughter’s life for over a year before she was finally attacked. I’m going to try to tread very carefully while I write this, but I’m also going to be very honest. So, I warn you now, this might piss you off, but it has to be said.

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School shootings do not happen by accident. Guns do not walk into the class and fire without a person pulling the trigger. Show me a school that has death due to school shootings/suicide, I’m willing to bet that school has also dealt with a problem in regards to bullying. Bullying has lasting effects, it not only hurts the students that the harmful words are aimed at, but it also hurts people caught in the environment of the issue. I can tell you this because I know it to be true. It has taken my own daughter years to overcome the words and pain associated with bullying.

My daughter’s attack happened on a playground with nearly a dozen children surrounding her. She was rolled up in a ball and kicked over and over. The children then tried to impale her head on a steel pike. At the time of her attack four teachers were on the playground. A boy stepped in and saved her. He took her to the office and I was called. That week after we got her home she tried to commit suicide twice. After weeks or so she started acting out violently. She pushed my oldest daughter in the street and then tried to push her down stairs.

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I remember grabbing her and putting her in the car asking what was she thinking. She told me she knew it was wrong, but that she just wanted power. She said she felt so powerless and it made her feel powerful to be able to do finally stand up for herself. Needless to say, this scared the crap out of me. We talked about her feelings and the outcome of harming others because of the pain she felt for at least 6 to 8 months after the incident. We even had to commit her for a little until we could get her to calm down.

Today, I’m glad to report that she no longer has those same anger issues, but it wasn’t easy dealing with those issues that came after the attack. After one of the school shootings we were talking and she added that she felt torn in some of the cases. She said she felt horrible about the people who died, but that she also felt bad for the person who was bullied. As a parent that watched my daughter go through so many different emotions in regards to her incident, I think it gives me a unique outlook.

My daughter didn’t shoot up a school, yet she did try to hurt her sister. Luckily, I worked in mental health, I knew the warning signs, I knew the right people, and I was able to focus entirely on her healing.

However, I do not know what I would have done, if I didn’t know some of the things that I knew at that time. Ariana was dealing with a range of emotions that we knew nothing of and most importantly we couldn’t relate to her on those levels. So, it was a lot of redirecting negative behavior and replacing negative feelings with her love for cooking. I think we went broke that year! We have to do something about bullying because it produces rage. I wasn’t going to let that rage take over my child. My daughter is now almost 18 and I can tell you that we haven’t had an episode in about three years. She has been able to make a few friends, and she’s now being a normal kid.

She told me recently that she still can’t help but think about that day from time to time, but that she’s not mad about it anymore. I know we want to make these issues about gun control, but it’s about so much more. The true weapon is bullying and it can cause mass causalities or a single fatality. We are seeing too many children commit suicide and harm each other over the feelings associated with bullying. It’s time to have real conversations about the need to revamp how schools keep records in regards to bullying.

Ariana today.

We need to hold the schools more accountable and in some cases the parents as well. After Ariana was attacked, I didn’t hear from not one of the children’s parents which is even sadder. We can do so much better.

One Mighty Word. LOVE

I’ve been married for almost 22 years come next month. Sometimes marriage can be easy, but then there are times when it can be very hard. Yet, I wouldn’t trade either times because they make us who we are. I got married at a very early age. My husband and I were both 20 and we got married not because we were in love, but because we hated the idea of dating.

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Dating was horrible for me, I didn’t like dealing with people who had a slight allergic reaction to the truth, so I had all but sworn dating off, until I met my husband. I remember telling him at the tender age of 19 that I wanted to get married and that I wasn’t into dating for six months to a year because those people never got married. Yes, it is safe to say, I knew it all!!!

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After the wedding “Courthouse” I soon departed the DFW to start my life as my husband’s wife. We dated only three and half months, so we really didn’t know each other as we should have. On our way to Killeen, Texas we got into an argument about race relations. Jon isn’t African American and my experiences with race were totally foreign to him. So, here we are on our way to our new place and a conversation on race starts.

He talked about being sick of hearing black people use the race card and then my ears started to ring. I was like oh no, my husband is a racist, and it’s against me!!!I remember asking why did he feel that way and then he blurted out, just what have black people done for this country? I looked at him and politely smiled. I then spent the next three hours explaining what inventions black people had made, social advancements, and foods that he couldn’t live without.

Looking back on those days I am thankful, God blessed me to find my best friend in my husband, and I’m grateful my husband listened to me on that ride home. On that road two things became crystal clear that afternoon. Marriage wouldn’t be simple and communication was a very important key. It took us two years to really fall in love, I know it sounds horrible, but it’s true. Our marriage started out being about commitment and then it turned into love. We now have both elements in our relationship which makes it easy to wake up to the same man every morning. I guess it’s true, marriage is what you make it.

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Duchess Meghan And The Need For Nostalgia!

Many years ago when I was a teenager much like my own children, I couldn’t wait to leave home. I was tired of the dirt roads, snakes, crickets, giant frogs, and most of all the little house that I called home. After I married my husband, I then started traveling with him and the military. I slowly started to see value in that little land that I used to dread. I grew to miss the greens, peach cobblers, fried chicken, and holidays which always included my mother baking chocolate pies.

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Duchess Meghan’s perhaps had that same feeling of nostalgia that only a visit from home could treat. It’s very difficult to live in a country outside of your own. The norms are different, the scenery is different, the feel is different until you find your own unique fit in with that country’s lifeline. Yes, I meant to say lifeline. The very lifeline of a person coincides with where they are located. At least that’s my opinion, but who am I?

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Duchess Meghan will grow to feel a certain level of comfort with the UK especially after her child arrives. I just hope the UK can let her newly appointed title Mom soak in before they start playing the scolding game. I am a sucker for love, and I feel like it really does triumph over all. However, I’m glad the Duchess has her support system across the pond right now. Sometimes it’s necessary to take a break and find comfort in the arms of those who love you. Nostalgia with action can be a great way to warm the soul.

The Dangers Of Keeping A Child In A Volatile Situation

Often times we divorce our spouses if the situation becomes too volatile. However, how many of us move our children away from bullying situations when they become volatile? As a mother of a child who suffered from extreme bullying, I would warn you about keeping that child in the same school. Right after my daughter’s attack we moved her away from the school, but when she started middle school the next school year the girls all filtered into that school. The counselors at the school were a complete joke. They told me that my daughter was no longer getting bothered and that they even called the children into the office to see if anyone was talking to her.

One morning I watched Ariana from the corner of my eye silently cry as we drove her to school. Something just told me to not go home so I waited. After a few minutes I drove around and then I found her hiding in between two buildings with her books pressed up against her chest. She was in a tight spot crying and scared to move. I got her attention and told her to come here. She walked to the car with tears still running down her cheek and talked about being sorry. She said she just couldn’t face anyone it was too much. I nodded and told her to get back into the car and we drove around the school and then I enrolled her out. I enrolled her in a private school a few miles down the street. She was loved at the school and did really well. She was a favorite in her French class and was well liked by many of her teachers, but there was the issue of interacting with children that still needed to be dealt with.

We still lived in Garland, so running into those children was an issue. Every time we thought we were doing better an encounter with one of them would send her crashing once more. Soon her Freshman year of high school was calling. She wanted to go to her home high school which meant she would be around those girls again. I wasn’t for it, but I finally decided if she felt ready, I would let her try once more. She was scared out of her mind her first day of school. She had started second guessing the idea of going to the high school, but she wanted to try it out.

She came home that day with this corky smile on her face. She had discovered she was a magnet for boys. She also said one of the girls that used to bully her, came up and said hi. She talked about being blown away and she didn’t know how to take it at first. In the common weeks she would talk to numerous people and even stand up to bullying against others, she was no longer the target. She was still known as the one who was attacked, but it wasn’t something that the children often talked about. She didn’t get invited anywhere so her nights were pretty much always lonely. She was still having a really hard time making friends, so we all decided that perhaps we just needed a new beginning.

We moved two maybe three hours away from that area. She was finally able to do things like go to games with people, go to eateries, and even to the movies. Ariana was able to have a life because we got her out of that broken environment. You see bullying is very mental and I think keeping the children in the environment hurts them more than we know. We still deal with social interaction issues, but she’s no longer constantly by herself. We have to make sure our children aren’t isolating. In many of the incidents with bullied children turning to violence or committing suicide they often isolate and target certain children. We have to make sure that we are doing all we can to repair the damage that has been done by the bullying. As parents, we can’t take the position that it will make them stronger to make them stay.

In Ariana’s medical record it had chest contusion, aggravated assault, leg injury, but it never had a broken spirit. We were ready for the physical stuff, but it was the mental stuff that nearly shattered my daughter into pieces. Talk about it with your children and truly ask how they are doing. Take notice of behaviors that could be problematic and above all else, tell them you love them.

Is It Gun Violence Or Bullying That Creates The Problem

A lot of people talk about gun violence as being a top worry in today’s America. We talk about school shootings and the need to place stronger restrictions on guns. I’m here to tell you that we wouldn’t have so many school shootings if we would tackle the issue of bullying the right way. Meet Ariana prior to a bullying incident which would change her whole outlook on life. She was your normal happy kid. She loved ice cream and she was friendly.

A few years later Ariana would start a new school and become the targets of bullies. They jumped my daughter and beat on her while she was curled up in a little ball. Picture 11 kids around you, and four teachers nearby. A boy came up and saved her before they were able to do more damage.

After the attack took place Ariana tried to kill herself twice in one week. She suffered from PTSD for a while and had a hard time establishing relationships. She was so fearful of people and there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t take away those feelings and I couldn’t wipe the event from her memory.

It took years before Ariana could learn how to trust people again. It took a while until we saw this smile come back, but it took us moving away from Garland and those memories before she was able to just be Ariana and not the girl who was jumped. She was mob jumped so those girls were in her school, malls, movies, and it became a constant rehabilitating issue when she would run across one. My husband said that on one occasion he and my other two daughters went out for ice cream with Ariana. One of those girls involved in the attack walked by and my daughter tried to hide in her seat.

We are no longer in that area and she no longer has to worry about seeing those children, but I know she still thinks about them from time to time. She’s able to make friends now, but we are still working on keeping them. So, I guess the point is, my daughter could have died three times because of the incident on April 4th. All three didn’t have a gun present, so talk to your children about the way they treat each other. Those actions often give birth to more pain.