Support Doesn’t Mean You Have To Agree

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I have been sitting on something for a while now. I wanted to share it with you, but I was afraid of how it would be taken. About a month ago my daughter came to me and said she was bisexual. It was a little surprising because she has liked guys forever. Guys are plastered all over her wall and on her phone. I asked her when did she start liking girls and she said maybe a month ago, then said months ago. I then asked well what did she mean when she said she liked girls and how did she know that she was bisexual. She then told me whenever she saw movies with girls kissing that those movies made her feel funny inside.

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I went on to ask what do you mean funny inside? She then stated that she found girls attractive. I informed her that just because she found girls pretty didn’t mean that she was bisexual. I told her I find a lot of women pretty, but that doesn’t mean I want to be with them. I asked her if she wanted to have sex with girls, and she frowned. So, of course by this time, I am paying close attention to the frown. Why was there a frown?

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So, then I asked her again, what makes you think that you are Bisexual? Keep in mind one of her best friends at the time was bisexual and the other was gay. She replied that she knew it just because and then stated a mouth full of other things that confused both she and I. I told her to just wait and give it some thought because what might seem like the thing to be today might not seem like the thing to be a week from now.

Well a few days ago she reported that she was back with her ex boyfriend and of course I asked about the bisexual thing that she had brought up about two or three weeks ago. She stated that she loves her boyfriend and that she isn’t bisexual after all. It got me thinking about the time I went out with a girl as a teenager. I am not sure why I did it, but I did. However, I was never forced to marry the idea of being gay or bisexual. I think sometimes we inadvertently force our children into being something that they might not be because we want to seem cool and supportive.

Perhaps, the best thing we can do is listen and give our guidance. It’s funny we give guidance when it comes to college, money, careers, but for some reason we try to shy away from talks about sexuality. If our children are going to commit to anything, they need to understand the full meaning of what they are making a commitment to. I can’t promise that she might not come back in two weeks wanting to date girls, but I can promise that she has a clearer understanding of what it means to be bisexual. “I see it all the time!” In my opinion is never a reason to do something. It only made me think that she was confused.

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I guess in the end I look at it this way. I am not arranging a marriage of any sort on my children, nor would I arrange an identity on them. If we talk about something and it is clear that this is who they want to be, then this is who they will be, but if I see confusion, it is my job to call it out. Right or wrong, I am mom.

The Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle Showcases How Interracial Marriages Can Be A Challenge In 2019.

Interracial marriages still face problems that many people do not truly understand. I think many people are under the impression that interracial marriages are fully accepted now because we see more couples in interracial relationships. However, what many people do not see is the struggles that still exist surrounding the couples on a day to day basis. Just take the gallery that I use for my blog pictures for example. There were plenty of pictures showcasing loving relationships, but hardly any of them were of interracial relationships.

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When Meghan Markle married Prince Harry over a year ago many like myself were over the moon! It was a win for love and one more nail in the coffin for racism, so we thought. You see more couples that choose to marry outside of their race today, but what you do not see is the racism that comes with that choice. I recall the first time I witnessed issues stemming from my marriage some years ago. We went to a retreat near Big Bear which showcased how couples were supposed to communicate with each other. After our lessons were over, the couples would all head towards the cafeteria and mingle. My husband and I weren’t approached by anyone and to make matters worse later that night we had to share the room with a couple that seemed to be fixated on what being black meant. Later on we would get looks from others. We would also have incidents were certain people would try to pick at the spouse that wasn’t the “correct” race.

What we are seeing today with The Duchess of Sussex and The Duke of Sussex is the real face of acceptance. Nobody wants to admit to being a bigot, but with the curtains now pulled back, we are seeing that bigotry is alive and well. Don’t get me wrong, we have made advances in gaining the right to marry who we want to marry. However, attitudes are still somewhat jaded by many when it comes to interracial marriages. Do you recall the commercial that sparked a debate on interracial marriage just 6 years ago.

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Pick any high profile couple that happens to be married to someone outside of their race and ugly comments are not far away. After Matthew McConaughey married Camila Alves there were comments about how he could have done so much better. Never mind she is drop dead gorgeous, but some still felt that she was not fit to be his wife because she wasn’t white. Comments were made after Serena Williams married Alexis Ohanian and so on. Anytime you see a interracial marriage, get ready to see ugly comments. People have been called race traders, nigger lovers, mud sharks, Oreo cookies, and other hurtful names.

The best part of it all, at least in my opinion, is that interracial couples are increasing at a higher rate. My soon to be son-in-law is white and my other daughter’s boyfriend in Chinese. The hate hasn’t scared people away from being people. It shows that even though racism still occurs, it isn’t turning people away from wanting to be with the ones they love. As for my relationship, the looks and the ignorance made us stronger as a couple. The harder people looked us, the tighter we held onto each other. It was us against the world and it has been that way for almost 23 years now. So, let’s hope The Duke and Duchess learn how to embrace to power of love and true unity because their love is a love that will be tested. However, pressure creates diamonds, so let the hate keep coming, their love will just keep shining.

Here We Go!!! First Morning Of School 2019/2020

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And we are off! Alison has to be at swim class in 42 minutes. Yes. I said it right, she is in swim class. I am really thankful I taught her how to swim about two years ago, but I am willing to bet they might have to go over a few things. She has a really demanding schedule for this year. Ariana is taking ROTC this year which is different. When we lived in Garland, the school wanted her to take ROTC for the Air Force, but she chickened out. She isn’t overly happy about ROTC, but it might help her with self discipline.

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As for me, I’m scared and excited all at once. I am scared because I need to be something I have never really been in the past. I have to be super structured in making sure they have their allotted time for homework. So, this is the plan, I will pick them up after school and bring them home. Last year Ally walked and it was super stressful because at times she would go over her friend’s house which would take away from homework time.

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This year we will come home station ourselves in the living room and put all cellphones in the table and have 1 hour of homework time or school depress time if you may. After I told them about the new rules, Alison whispered to Ariana that we were turning white! Whatever that means!!! As for mom, I signed up for Ubereats! I want to do something that allows me the freedom that I need when it comes with taking care of my mommy responsibilities. It’s 6:21 and a hear a coffee cup calling my name. So, have a great morning and I will see you later to let you know how the new rules work out.

Update!!! 7:08 So, we dropped Alison off and she isn’t really feeling the before 7 AM class! I hope she feels better as time goes by because the schedule isn’t changing. I felt a little bad for the reporter that tried to talk to her this morning. From the looks of it, Ally kind of pushed her away with her eyes. I saw her pull my daughter over only to see her look a little funny as Ally walked away in her leave me alone mood. Welcome to my world!

While You Were Sleeping

President Trump, AOC, Senator Harris, Senator Booker, and many more, today started out with a frantic cry for help. You didn’t hear it, even though we the citizens called out your names loudly in our moments of despair. We witnessed yet another attack on another child and then there was silence from those who normally speak the loudest.

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Our children are being attacked one by one and nobody seems to hear us. While you were sleeping Janise Harris was attacked by a group of girls. She was beaten and taunted. As if that wasn’t enough her attackers then put her on the wrong bus not caring if she made it home or not. This story hits home for me because my daughter was attacked years ago and just like Janise, she too bent over to diminish the pain from the blows. I’m not sure if Janise has been to the ER but I recall when we took my child to the ER and saw the words assault written across the diagnoses page.

I recall feeling helpless and invisible much like Janise’s friends felt at the start of this morning until Twitter happened. You see, it would have been nice to hear from any of you to show that you could have taken a moment out of your day to just send one simple tweet about helping children who are bullied. Yet, you all had your campaigns to worry about while our children were worrying about living.

Is this the version of America you want to give us? Do you only want to talk about race related issues that divide this country? Today, I’ll have you know that we all worked together to try to find Janise. We were Republicans, Democrats and even us crazy Independents rolled up our sleeves and pressed on the Tweet button. Around 5 PM we were notified that Janise was found safe, but she will have a lot of trauma to deal with because of the attack. I just thought you should know what you missed while you were arguing.

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Living In A Racial Climate With Children

It shouldn’t be a secret at this point, we are living in a racial climate. Whether you are living in the United States or in the UK, at this point there’s no escaping race issues. So, with the weekend at our feet, I thought it would a good idea to leave you with this.

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We do not have to look like each other, hold the same credentials, practice the same religion, or even use the same vocabulary! We simply need to do one thing when it comes to weathering the storm. We need to understand that underneath it all, we are all the same. We all house emotions, have goals, and live in this world.

What inspired this post, some of you might be thinking! It comes from a conversation at the dinner table that was innocent, but very telling at the same time. We do not normally gather at the dinner table for dinner unless it is Christmas or Thanksgiving. Last night we decided we would try something new because we have been finding cups in the children’s rooms. So, after the chicken was roasted, we informed the kids that we would be eating dinner at the table.

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As we headed to the table and took our seats, one of the girls stated how we were being like white families. She then smiled and scooped a thing of potatoes on her plate. My husband looked at me and I in return looked back at my daughter. I informed her that when I was younger I never ate anywhere besides the dinning room. We ate dinner as a family. I didn’t know that children were seeing something like eating at the table or the lack of it, as a racial expectation. It was a teaching moment for not only us, but for the girls as well. The moment resulted in explaining that race has nothing to do with where we eat! We explained that perhaps culture played a part in what might be found on people’s plates, but that it wasn’t fair to conclude that certain groups shunned tables! Then it was on to the next topic which was about boys and sending inappropriate pictures. That’s a story for Monday! Have a great weekend.

Making Your Children’s Dreams Reality

I love being a mother, but today I was able to be a little more than just mom. I was able to be a fan of my daughters and their work! I have learned that my daughters are extremely talented. I am not sure how they picked up the talent, but they really make me proud.

My 17 yr old has decided that she wants to become a foodie! So, today was spent making a short introduction video about food. Please check it out and follow her channel below.

Ariana

Is It Gun Violence Or Bullying That Creates The Problem

A lot of people talk about gun violence as being a top worry in today’s America. We talk about school shootings and the need to place stronger restrictions on guns. I’m here to tell you that we wouldn’t have so many school shootings if we would tackle the issue of bullying the right way. Meet Ariana prior to a bullying incident which would change her whole outlook on life. She was your normal happy kid. She loved ice cream and she was friendly.

A few years later Ariana would start a new school and become the targets of bullies. They jumped my daughter and beat on her while she was curled up in a little ball. Picture 11 kids around you, and four teachers nearby. A boy came up and saved her before they were able to do more damage.

After the attack took place Ariana tried to kill herself twice in one week. She suffered from PTSD for a while and had a hard time establishing relationships. She was so fearful of people and there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t take away those feelings and I couldn’t wipe the event from her memory.

It took years before Ariana could learn how to trust people again. It took a while until we saw this smile come back, but it took us moving away from Garland and those memories before she was able to just be Ariana and not the girl who was jumped. She was mob jumped so those girls were in her school, malls, movies, and it became a constant rehabilitating issue when she would run across one. My husband said that on one occasion he and my other two daughters went out for ice cream with Ariana. One of those girls involved in the attack walked by and my daughter tried to hide in her seat.

We are no longer in that area and she no longer has to worry about seeing those children, but I know she still thinks about them from time to time. She’s able to make friends now, but we are still working on keeping them. So, I guess the point is, my daughter could have died three times because of the incident on April 4th. All three didn’t have a gun present, so talk to your children about the way they treat each other. Those actions often give birth to more pain.