Understanding Children

So, as many of you know I have been debating the idea of continuing my blog. After thinking about things for a while, I have come to the conclusion that my job isn’t done. There are still so many issues out there and parents need answers.

At any moment parents are championing their children. Some of us are able to do a little more because of who we are. I have come to the conclusion that my blog doesn’t just help me, it also helps those out in the world. At any given time, I have readers from Spain, Africa, India, Europe and of course the USA reading my articles. I have even had people start to follow my blog after I decided to call it quits. My journey can’t be over, because the challenges of being a mother are far from over.

Photo by Daria Obymaha on Pexels.com

So, in the latest saga of momville. This is the newest issue. Just this morning, I had to write this email. Just because the year is almost over, doesn’t mean we can’t help to make the next one a little better for our children.

Thank you for reaching out to me. I am in the process of sending emails in regards to Ariana and how relationships with her teachers need to be a little more therapeutic in the future. I think it is important for you guys to understand who you are teaching, so, allow me to introduce you to my daughter. Ariana Santiago, your student was a happy go lucky child. She has dealt with ADHD, and ADD all of her life. She was diagnosed with having an IQ of 65 in the third grade. This diagnosis was very defining in our history because it introduced a new type of struggle. We had to reintroduce things to her that people had sworn she couldn’t do. In the end, it resulted in her being tested again some years later. Her IQ then went from 65 to over 70 which puts her still in a sort of a danger zone, but we are still working with her to overcome obstacles. Some of the things we were told that her IQ wouldn’t allow her to do was to use microwaves, cook using detailed recipes or even use money. Your class is important to her because it will help her to attain even more goals. My daughter is a work in progress. She was able to go from having an intellectual disability to not having one in three years.  


Now, while all of this is happening inside of her body, on April 4th in 2004, she was attacked by 11 girls. This set us back and even added another issue we were never prepared to deal with. She would then try to commit suicide twice that week as a result of how violent the attack was. She has since had issues dealing with children and social interactions. The schools back in Garland worked with her extensively as well as us. Now, I do not want to point fingers, but your class is important to Ariana. Yet, some of the interactions have to stop in order for your class to not become a constant trigger. One of your first encounters with her dealt with you getting the entire class mad at her which made them upset and react in aggressive ways which resulted in her running out of the class into the bathroom and breaking down on the floor. When she came home she talked about how it made her think about those 11 girls and feelings that we were fighting so hard to help her deal with. So, this latest issue with her bringing a pizza into your class which resulted in her getting suspended because she stated that she would not give it up, has placed us on edge. 


Firstly, Ariana now gets how telling you that she purchased it with her money wasn’t the wisest of words, yet she still doesn’t understand why others are allowed to have food in the classroom. As her mother, I have no issues with telling my daughter when she is wrong. As her biggest advocate, I must inform you that if you are allowing others to eat in your room , you are setting up a very confusing situation. I have asked for someone to come to the room from time to time to check in on the treatment of my daughter in regards to you. I am not sure why there are issues or even if there are issues , but since this is the level of your concern ” Hello, this is Mrs. Fyffe.  I am Arianna’s Culinary teacher.  How can I help?”. I thought it was only warranted to let you know. Being her biggest supporter and a blogger on special events, I hope you take the time to read articles on how to interact with children like her. https://shellzonit.com/2019/03/04/our-children-and-our-reaction-to-bullying/ I will also post this email and send it to all of the teachers who work with my daughter and I hope this will be the start to a better bully free zone for her at your school. Bullying is never okay, no matter who the bullying is coming from.

In case you need more clarification, I have posted my daughter’s medical report from the incident; in case you fear I am just blowing smoke. If nothing else comes from this communication, I hope you understand how important it is for you to help Ariana build relationships in that class and not use your power to bring her down.

Keep fighting for those kiddos. The year was 2014, sorry about the typo for all who sees the posting. The recipient of the email has the right date on the medical record. Sorry, and never stop fighting for your children. Be very careful and mindful if your child has a disability that their rights are always respected. We want to make sure that ALL children have the same respect in and out of the classroom.

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Momville: Stories For Moms Who THOUGHT They Knew It All, Just Like I Did!!!!


“I heard a Fly buzz – when I died –
The Stillness in the Room
Was like the Stillness in the Air –
Between the Heaves of Storm –

The Eyes around – had wrung them dry –
And Breaths were gathering firm
For that last Onset – when the King
Be witnessed – in the Room –

I willed my Keepsakes – Signed away
What portion of me be
Assignable – and then it was
There interposed a Fly –

With Blue – uncertain – stumbling Buzz –
Between the light – and me –
And then the Windows failed – and then
I could not see to see -”
I heard a Fly buzz – when I died –

The Stillness in the Room
Was like the Stillness in the Air –
Between the Heaves of Storm –

The Eyes around – had wrung them dry –
And Breaths were gathering firm

For that last Onset – when the King
Be witnessed – in the Room –


I willed my Keepsakes – Signed away
What portion of me be
Assignable – and then it was
There interposed a Fly –



With Blue – uncertain – stumbling Buzz –
Between the light – and me –
And then the Windows failed – and then
I could not see to see –

Emily Dickinson

I decided to start Momville after looking at all the stories I had posted in relation to my children. It’s not a self help series, it’s more of a series that shows, we aren’t perfect. Momville includes questions that come with parenting and issues with learning how to let go. I’m a mother of three girls and one of them is about to be married in six months. My youngest is 13 and many of my postings in Momville will be about raising that 13 year old and the 17 year old with their unique way of seeing life.

My youngest is a YouTube personality, she is also in tennis, theater, and choir. This is the first time we’ve had a child on a sport’s teem. My oldest daughter is pretty much a computer geek, and the middle one, wants to be a chef or an actress. She is in theater, culinary arts and her normal high school schedule. I spend a lot of time talking about mental health issues because I have that in my family. I don’t like to hide it because I know I’m not alone. Plus, I think it helps to know that others are going through some of the same situations that you might be going through. My nightly conversations all tend to be geared towards pushing down walls and letting people in.

The thing about Momville is that it’s here to remind people that we are human. I went from thinking I knew everything about being a GOOD mom to understanding that I wasn’t the best mom in the world. As a matter of fact, I was letting my job get in the way of being a mom. It took me seeing a family grieve over the death of their daughter to make me see mine in a totally unrelenting view. I knew from that moment on, there was no job greater than being the mother to my girls and being there in their times of need. So, enjoy the stories found in Momville and think of how you can make your own. Above all else, just know, we are all in this together.

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Do You Know What Your Children Do When You Aren’t Around?

My daughter and her friend went to a movie over the weekend. I like to snoop around and found this. She and her friend are hanging out in the theater playing cops and robbers! It’s safe to say no more movies will be in her near future. At least she was honest, I would have denied it! Because she can hardly been recognized, but we know our children. Thanks to Instagram for being the kid police. We are talking about this little one!

Please Remember The Greatest Will

After I left my job as an investigator, I promised to do something that would help to bring encouragement to families dealing with child abuse. I’ve always supported the idea of keeping children within the family if possible and this book really shows how one family risked it all to do that. I would love for you to read it if you find the time, but more importantly, I would love for you to understand the issue at hand.

There are so many children in the foster care system and many of those children turn out to be victims of street life. Many of the children run and we are now finding that they are also often pursued by sex traffickers. Children in the system are at a much higher risk of being recruited into that lifestyle due to them not having a way out of the system. It is extremely hard to place teens and if that teen has any mental health issues, it’s even harder.

If anything, I want to bring awareness to the fear of being separated through the eyes of a child and how certain areas remove without trying to keep the family together. My ex boss stated that she would purposely stay away from PD’s that wanted to try to keep the children in PCSP homes which is a placement option with family members or people close to that family. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when the family isn’t an option. However, if they can prove to be good, protective, and stable for these children, they should be viewed as an option. My ex boss would staff with removal happy PD’s and I found that alarming. She actually bragged about being the removal queen and staying away from PCSP’s which meant she was moving towards the state most of the time instead on trying to check family members out.

I had many arguments with people about doing the right thing instead of the easy thing. We really need to change the system and make sure all efforts are being made to keep children within their family units if the family proves to be safe. Write to your local leaders and talk to them about reporting, updated laws, and the need for new laws while dealing with social services. Nobody should be victimized twice.