Don’t Get Shipwrecked On Regret

We all have moments in our lives that forever change the way we see the world. The moment can be a chance meeting with a new love, missed chance to say I love you to an old love, or a bad decision that set you on a different path. The truth is, you may never get that situation back or the circumstances that made that situation ripe for the taking.

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I challenge you to move away from wishing you could do it all over again. Don’t look backwards, but focus on right now. You are in a small boat sailing down a large river in the middle of nowhere. The river is wide and long with rocks lining both sides of the boat. Looking backwards you now notice that the water was smooth without a hint of danger, but you now see danger everywhere. You can’t turn the boat around due to the jagged rocks on the side, so you can only keep sailing forward.

That’s life, in life we sometimes leave the things we thought were dull or too safe and jump into uncharted waters. You can’t wish yourself out of the situation, you have to make your way to land. Perhaps the situation you find yourself in right now feels scary and jaded. However, take comfort in knowing that there’s always a break in the crazy. The trick is keeping your eyes open and not losing focus on what’s important.

Prior to the trip you might have thought you wanted excitement and danger. Yet, now you see that calm provided you with something much more valuable. It provided you with what you needed in that moment to start on the next journey, called life. Everything we go through has reason and purpose. Learn to embrace the current before you find yourself shipwrecked on some tiny beach called regret.

Some years ago when I first found out we were moving to Germany, I freaked out. I had heard so many bad things about Germany and the people that I was terrified. After I made it to Frankfurt, I recall feeling so out of place. Soon my husband showed up and I walked outside the airport. I no longer felt like I had left something so precious behind, I started to see that I had just stepped foot onto something that was equally as precious in its own little way.

Sometimes You Have To Learn Things For Yourself.

It’s interesting when you grow up in the country. You never seem to run out of biscuits or old wives tales. My mother bless her heart was unique. She was a hard working lady who loved us desperately. She raised us the only way she knew how which was by following her old wives tales guide, to staying healthy.

#1. You couldn’t eat watermelon and ice cream. She swore instant death if you ever consumed both at the same time. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve had both because somewhere deep down in the dark pits of my mind, I hear that voice warning me of a fatal outcome.

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#2. You couldn’t take a bath while you were on your period. It was also a constant killer of young teens, at least that’s what I was told. So, for the first few years of having my period, I must have been ripe as those watermelons. I remember asking the school nurse about it and having her look at me like I was crazy. Needless to say, I soon started taking baths on my period, and I never died from it.

#3. You couldn’t let a man give you oral sex or it would drive him crazy. I’m guessing it was in the same box as peeing in someone’s tea or something. She told me this after I married my husband! I’m not going there, but yeah moving on.

#4. You couldn’t eat fish and ice cream. Fish and ice cream was another combination of things that would kill you, so my mommy said!! That’s another combination, I think I’ve stayed away from because somewhere in the back of my mind, I hear that voice!

The next thing really pushed us apart to be honest. I knew it was just another one of those things that she picked up from the older people, but it still hurt me. She got sick shortly after I married my husband and had my daughter. She came down with autoimmune hepatitis. We really didn’t know much about the disease or where it came from, but we knew it wasn’t something we wanted associated with my mother. Bless her heart, she swore up and down that she got it because she had been around my newborn baby at that time. She said that my husband’s blood and my blood weren’t supposed to mix and that it made her ill because she was around my baby. Interracial marriages in her mind created her sickness.

I didn’t know how to take it to be honest, so I got angry. I never told this to anyone, but it hurt me so badly that she could even think such a thing. In the back of my mind I wondered if that played a role into her not coming to help me after the birth of my second baby. I came down with a bad case of postpartum depression. I was having vivid dreams of smothering my baby. I remember calling and begging for someone to come to me because I was scared I would do something to her, but nobody came. I told my husband about the dreams and he really became my rock. I don’t know what I would have done without him in those months. Anyway it’s 3:16 in the morning and I just felt like walking down memory lane. Here’s a list of things I had to learn for myself.

The Day My Mother Tried To Make Me A Voodoo Accomplice.

Growing up in the South I was blessed with a real interesting type of education. I learned about witchcraft and how my mother THOUGHT she was going to get me to help her use it on my father. One morning he had come in from a late night out with his girlfriend and my mother planned the perfect payback. At least I’m guessing that’s what she thought. So my father called out and asked me to bring him a glass of tea from the kitchen.

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Well, my mother had other ideas. She wanted me to bring the tea to her first so she could pee in it. Apparently, peeing in tea would drive a man crazy. I looked at the tea for a second and then thought about my father and his guns standing against the corner. I politely blurted out, she was crazy as hell and ran to my dad. There was no way I was helping my mom put the hookie doodie on my father.

Do You Know What Your Children Do When You Aren’t Around?

My daughter and her friend went to a movie over the weekend. I like to snoop around and found this. She and her friend are hanging out in the theater playing cops and robbers! It’s safe to say no more movies will be in her near future. At least she was honest, I would have denied it! Because she can hardly been recognized, but we know our children. Thanks to Instagram for being the kid police. We are talking about this little one!

How My Children View Black History Month

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I try to be as encouraging as I can when it comes to things I talk to my children about. This is Black History Month so I thought it would be a good idea to watch some black historical shows with the girls. I found this one series on HULU called “The Book Of Negroes” I thought it sounded like a good show. After minutes went by, the girls started to get up and walk out of the room. I looked around and noticed they had an uncomfortable twitch going, so, I paused the movie.

That’s when it happened. I was bombarded with questions as to why was I watching this type of show? It’s Black History Month so I thought it would be a good idea to talk about our roots, but I should have known better. Every Black History Month we run into this same issue. I find a good movie or show to view and the children protest. So this time around they asked me something that I haven’t heard before. They insisted that watching the show made them feel sad and then they asked me, why didn’t it make me sad? I told them that it reminded me that we are here for a reason and that our people made big sacrifices so that we would be able to live in the house we live in, eat the foods we eat, walk down the streets we walk down, and sleep in late on Saturdays, if we wanted to.

They countered with, doesn’t it make you dislike white people? I answered no more than I would dislike the ones who sold our ancestors into slavery. They nodded and continued out of the room. I don’t know if they will ever be ready to learn about our history, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop trying to give little history lessons when I can. However, I can’t lie, there’s part of me starting to wonder if we maybe focus a little too much on the history and not enough on the future.

Another Episode of Momville

Yesterday my daughter came in with another script from her theater class. She has loved theater for a long time and I really think it has helped her work through some of her issues. However, she still gets the occasional blues in regards to being social. She talks about not fitting in and hating the fact that nobody wants to do anything with her. In her mind she’s ugly and stupid because of her ADHD. We can tell her a million times that that isn’t the case and that she’s wonderful, but she just doesn’t see it.

Anyway, back to Tuesday. As her teacher was handing out scripts, she also assigned parts for the kids to read and Ariana’s partner decided he would publicly voice his discomfort in being paired with my daughter. So, after she came home and put her bag on the table, she walked into the computer room. I asked about her school day and that’s when she told me about the little creep who pretty much stated he wouldn’t work with her.

I don’t know if I handled the situation right, but I told her not to worry and informed her that I would help her learn both lines. I know nothing about theater. I stayed away from it, but I read lines with her last night. I played the part of the guy and she mostly corrected me, because I sucked! However, she sounded great and we are going to do it again tonight. I guess my question is, should I be making her learn both lines? I mean, I just don’t want her to get a bad grade if he doesn’t want to learn his part. What do you do in this situation? Can she even benefit from learning both lines?

Please Remember The Greatest Will

After I left my job as an investigator, I promised to do something that would help to bring encouragement to families dealing with child abuse. I’ve always supported the idea of keeping children within the family if possible and this book really shows how one family risked it all to do that. I would love for you to read it if you find the time, but more importantly, I would love for you to understand the issue at hand.

There are so many children in the foster care system and many of those children turn out to be victims of street life. Many of the children run and we are now finding that they are also often pursued by sex traffickers. Children in the system are at a much higher risk of being recruited into that lifestyle due to them not having a way out of the system. It is extremely hard to place teens and if that teen has any mental health issues, it’s even harder.

If anything, I want to bring awareness to the fear of being separated through the eyes of a child and how certain areas remove without trying to keep the family together. My ex boss stated that she would purposely stay away from PD’s that wanted to try to keep the children in PCSP homes which is a placement option with family members or people close to that family. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when the family isn’t an option. However, if they can prove to be good, protective, and stable for these children, they should be viewed as an option. My ex boss would staff with removal happy PD’s and I found that alarming. She actually bragged about being the removal queen and staying away from PCSP’s which meant she was moving towards the state most of the time instead on trying to check family members out.

I had many arguments with people about doing the right thing instead of the easy thing. We really need to change the system and make sure all efforts are being made to keep children within their family units if the family proves to be safe. Write to your local leaders and talk to them about reporting, updated laws, and the need for new laws while dealing with social services. Nobody should be victimized twice.