Why I said No to having a baby at 43

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You often hear about women deciding to have babies in their forties. I’ve never really held a position on it because I respect the fact that it isn’t my body. Some months ago, my husband and I started talking about the idea of adding another addition to our family. It sounded good in theory until he proceeded to make appointments.

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About two months ago, my husband came home with this goofy look on his face and was smiling ear to ear. I asked him what was so exciting, and he blurted out that he had just finished talking to his doctor about getting his vasectomy reversed. I’m pretty sure the color drained out of my face because, at that point, extreme nausea started to set in.

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We had talked about the subject in the past, but I thought all we were doing was talking. It’s like saying, if I had a million dollars, I would buy a house in Ireland. I do not have a million dollars, so the move would never move out of the fantasy stage. After a few minutes of watching him beam from ear to ear, I politely smiled and tried to sound excited. As the days went by, I started to get increasingly uncomfortable. I started looking at our 14 yr old, 18 yr old, and 22-year-old daughters. I then started thinking about how each pregnancy affected my health.

On the morning of his appointment, I remember feeling a near panic as he got in the car and drove off for his doctor’s appointment. I opted to stay behind because I didn’t want to see the doctor see the discomfort on my face.

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About a good solid hour later, my husband arrived back home. He was upset because the clinic didn’t want to let the VA pay for his reversal. The clinic intended to bill him on his job’s insurance, while the VA would have made the procedure free. I felt a little relieved until after he got off the phone with the VA a few moments later. The VA clinic promised they would take care of the confusion with Scott and White.

A few days later, the appointment was back on. The night before the second appointment, I made up my mind; it was time to come clean about my feelings regarding having another baby. I explained that we had three great children, and I didn’t like being pregnant. I hated the idea of having another baby at 43, and I went a little deeper into detail and expressed the main reason I didn’t want to give up my current position as Sexual Goddess # 1 to being a new mom all over again.

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Part of me felt a bit guilty because sex was a big reason I didn’t want to have baby number 4. Currently, we can have sex whenever we want, multiple times a month or even a week if we feel like it, but a new baby puts restraints on that. I know my body, I know my needs, and at this age, I am not looking to start over again with the birthing process.

I thought he was going to be hurt by my confession, but after I explained it, he saw my point. He called off the appointment, and I can now look at pregnant people once again without feeling an urge to run for the nearest exit.

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Update: My Husband’s VA Appointment

I’m officially back off of my hiatus. So, a quick recap of things that have been going on since I’ve been MIA. My husband had his c&p appointment for sleep apnea yesterday. This claim was literally filed around January 31st.

We got the appointment that a C&P have been scheduled two days ago. It’s possible it could have been 3 days ago, but the point was we had two days to pretty much plan everything around going to a c&p exam, which was about 50 miles away.

So, we go all the way out to Round Rock and the appointment doesn’t even last 10 minutes,Y’all. I kid you not, we drove all the way to Round Rock for some nurse practitioner that asked my husband maybe six questions.

These are the situations that our vets are in when it comes to exams scheduled by the VA. Can you tell me about any exam you’ve ever been to that doesn’t even last 10 minutes?

Luckily, I wrote a whole page prior to us arriving at the clinic so at least he was able to give that to the nurse practitioner. She wouldn’t let me in, so my notes were able to do the talking.

My husband is currently at 90% disability for the VA and he was diagnosed with sleep apnea last month. My husband isn’t overweight and doesn’t suffer from allergies or sinus anything like that. He had a back surgery in 2009 that basically ended up messing up a lot of his nerves and stuff. Not only did it mess up his nerves, but it also managed to mess up the top part of his neck.

After doing a lot of research, I found out that neck problems are one of the reasons veterans develop sleep apnea. Another research found sleep apnea is a direct correlation with depression. My husband suffers from major depression. We’ve been pretty much fighting for months over his retroactive pay. It’s frustrating because we’re still waiting on a settlement that was granted all the way back in August and the only thing we keep hearing is well it’s a lot of entitlement coming from years ago.

Okay, but it’s been seven months, with VA messing up on appointments and not knowing what’s going on with his case. At this rate I don’t really trust anyting Veteran Affairs tells people, I feel like they employ a lot of dishonest examiners to do appointments.

The clinic we went to yesterday was a LHI clinic. If you’ve never been to one of these LHI appointments, let me fill you in on what happens. The examiners do not listen to the soldiers, they do not seem to be qualified in many of the illnesses that the soldiers suffer from.

We have yet to see an actual service-connected issue gain service connection from a LHI clinic. All service connection disorders are coming from the VA examiners. LHI are contracted out by the VA to conduct exams. It looks like they are contracted to interfere with veterans getting fair decisions. Often times their decisions are overturned in court. I know no other organization that receives as many lawsuits as the VA and still manages to stay afloat.

Oh well.

Trying To Become Her: The Virtuous Woman

Many of you know me to be impatient, opinionated, very cautious, and perhaps a little overbearing at times. These are things that I struggle with on a daily basis. They are also things and I’m currently praying about pretty much on a daily basis.

I think back to the scriptures which often point out that Jesus doesn’t expect us to be perfect. He wants to see us continually trying to overcome our worldly side and helps others on their journey. People mature into different levels of Christianity. Some of us are still drinking milk, while others are eating whole chickens by now. In my mind I am now at the stage where I’m truly trying to be the Virtuous Woman found in Proverbs chapter 31.

The Virtuous Woman is a woman that does it all. She knows how to take care of her family, how to make wise financial decisions, and how to be a pillar for her community.

I think one of my biggest obstacles, in my opinion, is figuring out how she was able to organize everything. If you look at scripture The Virtuous Woman was organized in order to do all the things that she did throughout the day, throughout the week, and even with preparations for future events. I lack organization. In many ways I feel like the lack of organization creates chaos pockets within my household, and that’s one of the things I want to try to work on.

Of course I know I still need to work on my patience, judging, and my temper. Yet, part of me wonders if better organizational skills might help to eliminate the chance for impatient and temper flares. I’m talking about scheduling a healthy sleep schedule, dinner time, cleaning time and family bonding time. Currently we go to sleep anywhere from midnight to 2 a.m. and we eat dinner after 7 on most nights.

Simply put, I think we are all dealing with some sort of sleep deprivation. Even after we fall to sleep we awaken a couple hours later which kills us the morning after. It makes maneuvering through the rest of the day extremely difficult. So, planning is on the menu today. I think a better plan will give birth to a better us.

Veterans Affairs Is Still Having Issues

Today my husband got yet another diagnosis due to his injuries from being in the Army. My husband is 43 and is currently 90 percent disabled by VA standards. He can’t sit-up without something supporting his back due to an injury he got while training for Iraq. Not only is sitting an issue, but standing is an issue, walking is an issue and today we found out that sleeping is also an issue.

Medical Events Cause Stress

He had a sleep study test that showed he stopped breathing several times within 6 hours. My husband suffers from migraines which are more than likely caused by his back issues, sleep apnea, or glacoma. Back in October the VA sent him to an examiner, they sent him to someone who knew nothing about migraines. The doctor took a look at my husband and guessed a reason he had migraines and sent him on the way.

Currently there are millions more like my husband. The VA contracts out bad physicians to do inadequate exams so they can cheat Vets out of their ratings. Currently, we are still waiting on increases, yes plural, that were granted by the BVA in August. We have yet to see a rating change or a real appointment. In November they made an appointment which was contested by another office stating there was no reason for his appointment to be placed in their location due to locations near us.

Instead of getting him a new appointment, they relied on an opinion of someone without ever talking to my husband. These are the shameful things that our VA continues to do to our soldiers. They are relying on bad examinations to cheat troops out of billions.

I issue this warning to the military. I know you love our country and some of you might even be like my husband. After he was injured he went on to do time in Iraq and even completed Green Platoon. After tours in Afghanistan, Colombia, and other regions of the world his body could no longer take it. He left the military after 14 years. Lesson learned is don’t ignore your body’s message because after all those wonderful things you complete for the military, VA will make you jump through hoops just to get the rating you deserve.

God Bless you 🙏.

My babe. I am sooo proud of him