Why I said No to having a baby at 43

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You often hear about women deciding to have babies in their forties. I’ve never really held a position on it because I respect the fact that it isn’t my body. Some months ago, my husband and I started talking about the idea of adding another addition to our family. It sounded good in theory until he proceeded to make appointments.

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About two months ago, my husband came home with this goofy look on his face and was smiling ear to ear. I asked him what was so exciting, and he blurted out that he had just finished talking to his doctor about getting his vasectomy reversed. I’m pretty sure the color drained out of my face because, at that point, extreme nausea started to set in.

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We had talked about the subject in the past, but I thought all we were doing was talking. It’s like saying, if I had a million dollars, I would buy a house in Ireland. I do not have a million dollars, so the move would never move out of the fantasy stage. After a few minutes of watching him beam from ear to ear, I politely smiled and tried to sound excited. As the days went by, I started to get increasingly uncomfortable. I started looking at our 14 yr old, 18 yr old, and 22-year-old daughters. I then started thinking about how each pregnancy affected my health.

On the morning of his appointment, I remember feeling a near panic as he got in the car and drove off for his doctor’s appointment. I opted to stay behind because I didn’t want to see the doctor see the discomfort on my face.

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About a good solid hour later, my husband arrived back home. He was upset because the clinic didn’t want to let the VA pay for his reversal. The clinic intended to bill him on his job’s insurance, while the VA would have made the procedure free. I felt a little relieved until after he got off the phone with the VA a few moments later. The VA clinic promised they would take care of the confusion with Scott and White.

A few days later, the appointment was back on. The night before the second appointment, I made up my mind; it was time to come clean about my feelings regarding having another baby. I explained that we had three great children, and I didn’t like being pregnant. I hated the idea of having another baby at 43, and I went a little deeper into detail and expressed the main reason I didn’t want to give up my current position as Sexual Goddess # 1 to being a new mom all over again.

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Part of me felt a bit guilty because sex was a big reason I didn’t want to have baby number 4. Currently, we can have sex whenever we want, multiple times a month or even a week if we feel like it, but a new baby puts restraints on that. I know my body, I know my needs, and at this age, I am not looking to start over again with the birthing process.

I thought he was going to be hurt by my confession, but after I explained it, he saw my point. He called off the appointment, and I can now look at pregnant people once again without feeling an urge to run for the nearest exit.

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