Our daughter came home last night and told us about a female student who was clearly showing signs of distress. My husband and I both informed her that she needed to talk to her school counselor about the student in question. After we picked her up today from school, we asked her if she talked to the counselor and her reply with unfortunate.
“Mom, I really don’ t think they care. When I talked to the counselor, she didn’t really seem to want to hear it.”
We both stated that she had done her job and now it was time for the school to do their job and follow up with the report. Right now children are looking and they are paying attention, more than ever. If you work in a school and see problematic behavior, you must act. If you think your role isn’t important, think again. You are a lifeline, a lifeguard and even the it factor in some of the children’s lives.
About four year ago, I got the chance to go to a conference and see Kevin Hines as one of the main speakers. It was an eye opening experience in how we should all be dealing with people who show signs of distress. You don’t wait, you check it out.
Why didn’t we have school shootings and massive bullying when we were younger? It is mainly because of one word and it begins with the letter P and ends with the letter S. PARENTS! We talk about guns and mental health a lot in this country. However, I haven’t heard people talking about the lack of discipline in our country because of fear. When we allowed the government to come into our houses and take on the position as the silent parent, we opened the door for disruption.
Some of you might find it ironic as hell that I am taking this position, but there’s a reason behind it. When I was in the academy for investigator training, one of the first things we learned was that the majority of CPS cases would be fictitious. I didn’t want to believe it because surely 85 percent of cases couldn’t really be just parents, trying to be parents. However, after I graduated the academy and cases started coming in, I soon learned the dark side of reporting.
While a handful of my cases were actual abuse, the majority of my cases were not abuse. Many of them were cases with teens or preteens who were out of control. Some of the children were so out of control that their parents could no longer afford to take care of them. In many ways, we have the government to thank for this epidemic. Parents are scared to parent because anything and everything can be used against them when it comes to reporting.
We are talking about in some cases parents raising their voices, spanking, removing doors, and talking to children about their weight issues, these are some of the things that parents did to get CPS called on them which always resulted in Rule Outs. The calls would come from clinics, schools, family members, or people involved in custody fights.
A single mother was using a provider for her newborn and she didn’t feel like the doctor was really showing the level of concern that she needed, so she switched providers. The clinic called in a case on the new mom with a load of lies which were easily picked apart due to records. I have always and will always say CPS needs a new screening method. The current method does more harm than good. If you have a reporting system that lets retaliatory accusations flourish then you have a broken system.
There needs to be some form of punishment for false accusations because there are too many false allegations that result in stagnated parenting. Good parents become fearful of future calls and stop reinforcing rules out of fear of future CPS interactions. This fear then spreads to family members and friends which later interrupts how the family is able to parent. Keep in mind in order to close cases investigators must contact references even if the case happens to be fictitious. Thus spreading fear of how and what parents can do to parent their children.
Enter in the wayward child that we see today. Parents cannot parent due to fear of the government and the government is not equipped to take on the full responsibility of parenting all the children they have helped corrupt. So people reach for medication or therapy when perhaps the only thing they needed in the first place was the ability to parent their children without the fear of the government.
I have been sitting on something for a while now. I wanted to share it with you, but I was afraid of how it would be taken. About a month ago my daughter came to me and said she was bisexual. It was a little surprising because she has liked guys forever. Guys are plastered all over her wall and on her phone. I asked her when did she start liking girls and she said maybe a month ago, then said months ago. I then asked well what did she mean when she said she liked girls and how did she know that she was bisexual. She then told me whenever she saw movies with girls kissing that those movies made her feel funny inside.
I went on to ask what do you mean funny inside? She then stated that she found girls attractive. I informed her that just because she found girls pretty didn’t mean that she was bisexual. I told her I find a lot of women pretty, but that doesn’t mean I want to be with them. I asked her if she wanted to have sex with girls, and she frowned. So, of course by this time, I am paying close attention to the frown. Why was there a frown?
So, then I asked her again, what makes you think that you are Bisexual? Keep in mind one of her best friends at the time was bisexual and the other was gay. She replied that she knew it just because and then stated a mouth full of other things that confused both she and I. I told her to just wait and give it some thought because what might seem like the thing to be today might not seem like the thing to be a week from now.
Well a few days ago she reported that she was back with her ex boyfriend and of course I asked about the bisexual thing that she had brought up about two or three weeks ago. She stated that she loves her boyfriend and that she isn’t bisexual after all. It got me thinking about the time I went out with a girl as a teenager. I am not sure why I did it, but I did. However, I was never forced to marry the idea of being gay or bisexual. I think sometimes we inadvertently force our children into being something that they might not be because we want to seem cool and supportive.
Perhaps, the best thing we can do is listen and give our guidance. It’s funny we give guidance when it comes to college, money, careers, but for some reason we try to shy away from talks about sexuality. If our children are going to commit to anything, they need to understand the full meaning of what they are making a commitment to. I can’t promise that she might not come back in two weeks wanting to date girls, but I can promise that she has a clearer understanding of what it means to be bisexual. “I see it all the time!” In my opinion is never a reason to do something. It only made me think that she was confused.
I guess in the end I look at it this way. I am not arranging a marriage of any sort on my children, nor would I arrange an identity on them. If we talk about something and it is clear that this is who they want to be, then this is who they will be, but if I see confusion, it is my job to call it out. Right or wrong, I am mom.
Interracial marriages still face problems that many people do not truly understand. I think many people are under the impression that interracial marriages are fully accepted now because we see more couples in interracial relationships. However, what many people do not see is the struggles that still exist surrounding the couples on a day to day basis. Just take the gallery that I use for my blog pictures for example. There were plenty of pictures showcasing loving relationships, but hardly any of them were of interracial relationships.
When Meghan Markle married Prince Harry over a year ago many like myself were over the moon! It was a win for love and one more nail in the coffin for racism, so we thought. You see more couples that choose to marry outside of their race today, but what you do not see is the racism that comes with that choice. I recall the first time I witnessed issues stemming from my marriage some years ago. We went to a retreat near Big Bear which showcased how couples were supposed to communicate with each other. After our lessons were over, the couples would all head towards the cafeteria and mingle. My husband and I weren’t approached by anyone and to make matters worse later that night we had to share the room with a couple that seemed to be fixated on what being black meant. Later on we would get looks from others. We would also have incidents were certain people would try to pick at the spouse that wasn’t the “correct” race.
What we are seeing today with The Duchess of Sussex and The Duke of Sussex is the real face of acceptance. Nobody wants to admit to being a bigot, but with the curtains now pulled back, we are seeing that bigotry is alive and well. Don’t get me wrong, we have made advances in gaining the right to marry who we want to marry. However, attitudes are still somewhat jaded by many when it comes to interracial marriages. Do you recall the commercial that sparked a debate on interracial marriage just 6 years ago.
Pick any high profile couple that happens to be married to someone outside of their race and ugly comments are not far away. After Matthew McConaughey married Camila Alves there were comments about how he could have done so much better. Never mind she is drop dead gorgeous, but some still felt that she was not fit to be his wife because she wasn’t white. Comments were made after Serena Williams married Alexis Ohanian and so on. Anytime you see a interracial marriage, get ready to see ugly comments. People have been called race traders, nigger lovers, mud sharks, Oreo cookies, and other hurtful names.
The best part of it all, at least in my opinion, is that interracial couples are increasing at a higher rate. My soon to be son-in-law is white and my other daughter’s boyfriend in Chinese. The hate hasn’t scared people away from being people. It shows that even though racism still occurs, it isn’t turning people away from wanting to be with the ones they love. As for my relationship, the looks and the ignorance made us stronger as a couple. The harder people looked us, the tighter we held onto each other. It was us against the world and it has been that way for almost 23 years now. So, let’s hope The Duke and Duchess learn how to embrace to power of love and true unity because their love is a love that will be tested. However, pressure creates diamonds, so let the hate keep coming, their love will just keep shining.