Don’t Be Afraid To Ask About Sexual Issues.

We all have our shy moments. In the beginning of my marriage I couldn’t bring myself to say penis around my husband because it made be blush like crazy. So, I would say “woo woo” or something else just because I was so uncomfortable with saying the word!! After the birth of my second child things started to change. I went from having to take Motrin after sex pre second child to not really knowing how to feel about the sexual encounter post second child.

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I would ask my husband if he was satisfied and of course he would say yes. Then he would ask me and I would lie and give the same response. After a few weeks I started to get concerned. I went for a check up one afternoon and confessed my issues to my doctor. I was like I have a problem. She turned around and asked me what was going on. I informed her that I could no longer feel my husband. It was an awkward thing to say, but I wasn’t ready to give up my sex life at 24 or 25 years old.

She performed some test with her fingers and I found out why I couldn’t enjoy sex. My muscles were shot after giving birth to my daughter. I had an episiotomy with my second child which from my understanding wasn’t all that great for my muscles. Nobody informed me how important the kegels would be after the episiotomy, so the appointment was a must. She then informed me that I needed to do like 200 kegels a day to get my muscles back to semi normal. So, me being the overachiever I am, I decided to do like 500 a day until things got back to normal.

The point is, do not be afraid to ask your doctor about things that you might be too embarrassed to bring up in the bedroom. Sex is a beautiful thing, but it’s not so beautiful if only one person enjoys it. A few years ago a woman saw a passion mark on my neck and was like do you and your husband still have sex!! I started laughing and blurted out about four times a week like normal people! Then she looked concerned, she told me she was newly married and that she and her husband only had sex once every three months. One controlling factor in her bedroom was pain. That is something a doctor would be able to help her with. So, do not be afraid to talk to your OBGYN and tell them about pain, lack of feeling or anything that you think sounds strange for your body. Enjoy life!!

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The One Thing We Have Yet To Hear

The politicians are out in numbers, but I have yet to hear anyone address the issues with social services. We have talked about the Green New Deal, Guns, but where are the conversations about revamping social services?

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One of the biggest reasons I fell out of love with being an investigator was because the state turned it into a number count game. They started emphasizing on investigations being wrapped up within 30 days and even in some cases 15. There’s real danger in playing a numbers game when you are dealing with life and death. I had this one case which was a matter of life and death. The case was centered around a mother suffering from Munchausen Syndrome. She had managed to do all sorts of things to her child for years until finally a social worker caught wind of something that seemed a bit off. When I got the case the child was in a protective environment and it was also controlled.

I had the department breathing down my neck because they wanted me to let the child out of the hospital, but at the same time, I felt like something was off. Finally the test came back and I was right. However, I still got my hand spanked when we went to trial and even managed to piss off our lawyer and the judge. Had it not been for the doctor breaking down on the stand I would have balled my eyes out, but I knew what needed to be done, so no yelling or evil eyes could stop me.

Looking back on that case, I learned a lot about people and the whole reporting process. This mother was able to do unthinkable things because she appeared to be the perfect mom on paper. She had all the right answers, and she was semi educated. Not to mention her family knew judges and other people high up in the department. Had she been from another walk of life, she would have been caught a lot sooner.

I learned that people choose and pick who they want to report. If you are poor your chances of being picked goes up a lot more than if you are rich. Keep in mind that 85 percent of the cases are bogus, so that means that only 15 percent are real abuse. If we are really only seeing 15 percent of real abuse cases called in, we have to wonder, where are the rest? People aren’t reporting abuse like they should. People are reporting annoyances at much higher rates. Some schools even give out certificates for their staff members reporting abuse.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again. The entire system needs to be revamped. There needs to be a better way of reporting child abuse and there needs to be a penalty for calling in false accusations. Perhaps child abuse needs to get a hotline similar to 911. The current system lets cases be routed anywhere from 24 to 72 hours. Perhaps, we need a system that lets people go out right away.

In cases where child abuse has occurred and the child was seen by school officials, doctors and other professionals, investigations need to be geared not only towards the parents, but also towards the people who saw these children. We need to figure out how or why things were never called in because if we are just seeing 15 percent of abuse cases, we are missing trauma.

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You Got Suspended For What?

Apparently there’s some sort of thing going on with a YouTube star called PewDiePie and his attempt to stay on top of YouTube by campaigning to keep his crown from T-Series. Remember my daughter, the YouTube upcoming star I told you about. Well, little Miss YouTube decided to go to school today and throw in her support for Mr. PewDiePie.

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She made posters and put them up on the walls inside her school. She didn’t stop there. She went on to write Bitch Lasagna on those posters which got her in school suspension for two days. So, yeah now her subscribers will see a special message on her channel.

Onward to the grounding.

Don’t Get Shipwrecked On Regret

We all have moments in our lives that forever change the way we see the world. The moment can be a chance meeting with a new love, missed chance to say I love you to an old love, or a bad decision that set you on a different path. The truth is, you may never get that situation back or the circumstances that made that situation ripe for the taking.

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I challenge you to move away from wishing you could do it all over again. Don’t look backwards, but focus on right now. You are in a small boat sailing down a large river in the middle of nowhere. The river is wide and long with rocks lining both sides of the boat. Looking backwards you now notice that the water was smooth without a hint of danger, but you now see danger everywhere. You can’t turn the boat around due to the jagged rocks on the side, so you can only keep sailing forward.

That’s life, in life we sometimes leave the things we thought were dull or too safe and jump into uncharted waters. You can’t wish yourself out of the situation, you have to make your way to land. Perhaps the situation you find yourself in right now feels scary and jaded. However, take comfort in knowing that there’s always a break in the crazy. The trick is keeping your eyes open and not losing focus on what’s important.

Prior to the trip you might have thought you wanted excitement and danger. Yet, now you see that calm provided you with something much more valuable. It provided you with what you needed in that moment to start on the next journey, called life. Everything we go through has reason and purpose. Learn to embrace the current before you find yourself shipwrecked on some tiny beach called regret.

Some years ago when I first found out we were moving to Germany, I freaked out. I had heard so many bad things about Germany and the people that I was terrified. After I made it to Frankfurt, I recall feeling so out of place. Soon my husband showed up and I walked outside the airport. I no longer felt like I had left something so precious behind, I started to see that I had just stepped foot onto something that was equally as precious in its own little way.

Road Map To My 22nd Anniversary

  1. Year One- Sex wasn’t the answer to all things.-Killeen, Texas.
  2. Year Two- Setting the alarm 30 minutes early was the key. Killeen, Texas.
  3. Year Three- My husband was a wonderful father. Fort Irwin, California.
  4. Year Four- Being pregnant sucks! Fort Irwin, California.
  5. Year Five- Living in a different country is easy when you are with your husband. Baumholder, Germany.
  6. Year Six- Nothing like the absence of your husband at your mother’s funeral because of war. Garland, Texas.
  7. Year Seven- Taking down welcome home signs after you learn your husband’s unit will be the first to stay beyond the allotted time in a war zone. Baumholder, Germany
  8. Year Eight- The only way to get out of the vasectomy after this pregnancy is over my dead body. Baumholder, Germany.
  9. Year Nine- Admitting that I didn’t know all I thought I knew about marriage. Savannah, GA.
  10. Year Ten- Dealing with addiction and remorse. Savannah, GA.
  11. Year Eleven- Talking to divorce lawyers because some situations are just too hard to deal with. Garland, Texas
  12. Year Twelve- Having to look my husband in the face and deal with our demons without being able to walk away. Clarksville, Tennessee
  13. Year Thirteen- Starting over. El Paso, Texas
  14. Year Fourteen- Being there through a tough surgery. El Paso, Texas.
  15. Year fifteen- Finally figuring out the Army was more of a hindrance to our family. El Paso, Texas
  16. Year Sixteen- Living with family members suck more than you know. Garland, Texas
  17. Year Seventeen- Nothing like being back on your own. Garland, Texas
  18. Year Eighteen- Transitioning from parents of young kids to parents of children old enough to date. Garland, Texas
  19. Year Nineteen- Being thankful that my husband was able to be there with me through my father’s death. Garland, Texas
  20. Year twenty- Finding my own calling is the key to my happiness. Garland, Texas
  21. Year twenty-One- Making sure we never forget those special nights. Garland, Texas
  22. Year Twenty-Two- Understand that life doesn’t last forever, so enjoy each other while you can. Somewhere in Texas!
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Wishing The Duchess of Sussex A Peaceful Transition Into Motherhood !

Now that Kensington Palace has released a message in regards to the treatment of both The Duchess or Sussex and The Duchess of Cambridge, we can now all exhale. I’m just so happy that that both women are now going to be able to get a break from some of the harsh treatment that has been thrown their way over the past months.

My daughter was a victim of bullying and I can tell you as a mother, it hurts to see your children in pain. The Duchess of Sussex was a victim of cyber-bullying. It’s perhaps one of the hardest ones to deal with because it is everywhere you turn. No matter how you feel about a person, never forget that people have feelings. Riches do not protect against harsh words and treatment. So, please remember that in your future journey. Life doesn’t have to be bitter.

Lastly, support these women like they were your sisters, daughters and best friends. A woman once told me to practice my nagging in front of a mirror before I tried them out on my husband. She insisted that if I didn’t like the way the words looked coming back at me then chances were he wouldn’t either. Maybe that’s a reason I will be married 22 yrs tomorrow. Kindness moves the world.

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Our Children And Our Reaction To Bullying

My daughter could have been on the road to becoming a killer until we fought back. At some random school this morning, a child is hiding in the bathroom because he or she is too afraid to walk the halls due to bullying. I know it to be true because it was my daughter’s life for over a year before she was finally attacked. I’m going to try to tread very carefully while I write this, but I’m also going to be very honest. So, I warn you now, this might piss you off, but it has to be said.

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School shootings do not happen by accident. Guns do not walk into the class and fire without a person pulling the trigger. Show me a school that has death due to school shootings/suicide, I’m willing to bet that school has also dealt with a problem in regards to bullying. Bullying has lasting effects, it not only hurts the students that the harmful words are aimed at, but it also hurts people caught in the environment of the issue. I can tell you this because I know it to be true. It has taken my own daughter years to overcome the words and pain associated with bullying.

My daughter’s attack happened on a playground with nearly a dozen children surrounding her. She was rolled up in a ball and kicked over and over. The children then tried to impale her head on a steel pike. At the time of her attack four teachers were on the playground. A boy stepped in and saved her. He took her to the office and I was called. That week after we got her home she tried to commit suicide twice. After weeks or so she started acting out violently. She pushed my oldest daughter in the street and then tried to push her down stairs.

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I remember grabbing her and putting her in the car asking what was she thinking. She told me she knew it was wrong, but that she just wanted power. She said she felt so powerless and it made her feel powerful to be able to do finally stand up for herself. Needless to say, this scared the crap out of me. We talked about her feelings and the outcome of harming others because of the pain she felt for at least 6 to 8 months after the incident. We even had to commit her for a little until we could get her to calm down.

Today, I’m glad to report that she no longer has those same anger issues, but it wasn’t easy dealing with those issues that came after the attack. After one of the school shootings we were talking and she added that she felt torn in some of the cases. She said she felt horrible about the people who died, but that she also felt bad for the person who was bullied. As a parent that watched my daughter go through so many different emotions in regards to her incident, I think it gives me a unique outlook.

My daughter didn’t shoot up a school, yet she did try to hurt her sister. Luckily, I worked in mental health, I knew the warning signs, I knew the right people, and I was able to focus entirely on her healing.

However, I do not know what I would have done, if I didn’t know some of the things that I knew at that time. Ariana was dealing with a range of emotions that we knew nothing of and most importantly we couldn’t relate to her on those levels. So, it was a lot of redirecting negative behavior and replacing negative feelings with her love for cooking. I think we went broke that year! We have to do something about bullying because it produces rage. I wasn’t going to let that rage take over my child. My daughter is now almost 18 and I can tell you that we haven’t had an episode in about three years. She has been able to make a few friends, and she’s now being a normal kid.

She told me recently that she still can’t help but think about that day from time to time, but that she’s not mad about it anymore. I know we want to make these issues about gun control, but it’s about so much more. The true weapon is bullying and it can cause mass causalities or a single fatality. We are seeing too many children commit suicide and harm each other over the feelings associated with bullying. It’s time to have real conversations about the need to revamp how schools keep records in regards to bullying.

Ariana today.

We need to hold the schools more accountable and in some cases the parents as well. After Ariana was attacked, I didn’t hear from not one of the children’s parents which is even sadder. We can do so much better.